[Application] Kiyokawa Hibiki <13th Divsion>

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Name:
Kiyokawa Hibiki

Age:
Hibiki died at the young age of eight but am currently twenty-five as a shinigami.

Appearance:
Hibiki is a ten year old child. He falls into less than average height and weight for his age group, no doubt around three feet in height and fifty pounds in weight so it seems he is almost always shorter than the majority of people who he tends to accompany his time with. He bears eyes that look as if they stand the shade of a blue moon with the oceans roaring against it only to be complemented by the hair that glistens over his face like the first snowflake on a cold Christmas morn. Hibiki's face bears a blood red scar which takes joy in running from the bottom of his cheek, over his left moon and all the way up to a five pointed pentacle that sits proudly on the height of his forehead. His general attire consist of shinigami robes which seem to loom as black as the night's sky and are only complemented by his bland sandals and the unimportant sheath which lays horizontally across his back.

Hibiki is generally a kind and open person around anyone and everyone. He has no problem sharing things with those around him and always seems to be social although he attempts to stray away from letting people get any deeper then a general acquaintance. When fate beckons he takes on a serious mood to deal with a threat that has bestowed itself upon him. Never backing down from a challenge he always finds himself pushing forward against the endless wall which runs in front of his life. The true owner of his time seems to be the hunger to find more purpose in life then saving souls which to this day has yet to be satisfied.

Please ignore the zanpaktu
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a199/CalebBob/Allen_as_a_Shinigami_by_Chimera_cha.jpg

Biography:
Hibiki arrived in the world of spirits with no recollection from his past life as most often do. At the time he hadn't really cared about his past life either. After all the kid had arrived in a unknown land with no memory whatsoever. He didn't even know that he had a past life at the time or much less that he was a spirit and no longer living. It wasn't long before Hibiki met up with a group of other ruffians who seemed to watch out for each other and they took him in as one of their own but not until he had received intensive questioning upon the scar that ran down his face but all he was able to answer was "I have no idea where it came from." It seemed to be a mystery that plagued the child for quite some time but eventually he came to peace with the fact that he would never find out.

The time with the group was fun but short lived. The group, although good natured was mischievous as many children are and played little pranks on the locals but one day such acts got the group into trouble. They had all been pulling away at a merchant's tent in a attempt to make the tarp fly away so they could steal some goods while the poor man ran away chasing it. Of course it didn't take the man very long to catch onto the children's scheme and he quickly began attempting to chase them away. In the act one of the poles holding up the tent was pried loose and it pulled against the unstable wall of the building behind it. Eventually the whole thing clasped and left everyone permanently wounded aside from Hibiki because he had been on lookout duty that day. After that it wasn't long before they went their separate ways and eventually Hibiki somehow ended up in the academy.

Division being applied to:
EDIT - The new division list is no longer passworded so I need to change my division.
13th Division - Swift Execution Unit
The 13th Division is very well known for their breakneck speeds in battle. They specialize in the art of hohou. Although they are not incredibly great 1 on 1 fighters, their speed makes up for most of this loss and with that gain the upper edge in combat. The 13th Division works closely with the 6th Division in sweeping the front lines of the enemy quickly and powerfully. As their name implies, the 13th Division's role is to quickly and cleanly slice through enemy lines. They are the main vanguard of the Saishuu Gotei 13 and usually lead the forward charge in strategic warfare.

Zanpakuto appearance:
Hibiki carries a wakizashi that is thirty centimeters in length. The blade itself is very simplistic and doesn't stand out much aside from golden weave that runs up the blade like a spider's string, the guard is in the shape of a star, also painted gold and the actual hilt which is black with gold diamonds.

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Sample Mission:
"Get you lazy butt up and come on and fight me!" I heard a feminine voice say from a nearby room as I walked the halls of the academy. It seemed that the roar was coming from one of the new Hakuda instructors who seemed to have been given the "leftover" students. Of course the term "leftover" was nothing more then the word used to explain all of the people who had presented themselves problematic in classrooms and were passed down to the newer teachers. This process quickly made those few shinigami who dared teach immediately regret their decision but there were the few who pulled through and eventually moved up in the ranks of the sensei. I figured it would be entertaining to watch her yell at the low life students who would most likely never become shinigami without extreme talent. The majority would be kicked when their grades came back as failing but it couldn't be helped. Hopefully the failures wouldn't drag down a perfectly good teacher.

I walked over to the open door that stood between the hallway and the classroom and looked inside to see a woman pulling at one of the students who was still asleep despite her efforts. She was a beautiful for a shinigami which caught me slightly off guard. Not that I had reached the proper age to feel for those things but the majority of teachers were hardy slightly older shinigami who were looking to do something with their free time and make a bit of cash too. I immediately sized her up as around five eleven or so making her almost twice my height. She had purple hair which would have run freely down her shoulders had she not tied it back in a unusually long ponytail. She wore shinigami robes which I admired as currently all I had were the white robes provided to the students in the academy which meant she was on a higher par then the rest of us. Even the zanpaktu which she placed in the corner amazed myself. It was something which I strove to obtain even if my reasons were empty.

"As a new teacher I'm not sure if you've noticed yet but you got the "leftovers". They aren't going to get up no matter how much you kick them and even if they do I doubt they'll pay attention to anything you have to teach them. I mean you can keep trying if you want but it's just a waste of time." I said plainly in a attempt to speak sense to the teacher. She looked at myself with a surprised look and dropped the student who she had been yanking at causing him to fall with a large thump. The woman slowly walked across the wooden floor of the classroom and when she arrived in front of me she bent down and stared at me eye to eye making me become quite nervous at the odd behavior. "Kawaii!!!" She yelled loudly as she quickly began to embrace me tightly enough to hinder my breathing.

"You're so cute coming in here and trying to act like you know everything! I was hoping to teach a bunch of kids like you but sadly I got stuck with these "leftovers" as you called them? Well I'll tech you something right now and that is that you can never give up on anyone no matter how hopeless it seems. You may not believe me when I say this but everyone here has value and potential beyond what a regular person could imagine. As a teacher or a leader it's probably the most important ability you know. The ability to realize untapped potential before anyone else. Anyways as long as your here how about I instruct you on some fighting techniques because I need a break from "encouraging" my students?" The woman inquired but it seemed more like a demand as she picked me up and dragged me to the training mat.

"If that is what you want sensei. Uh... I'm Kiyokawa Hibiki if it matters." I said reluctantly as I formed my fighting stance and the shinigami instructor looked at me with a almost sad face. "Oh I'm sorry Kiyokawa-kun. I hadn't meant to be so mean as to skip the formalities. You can call me Tsukiko-sensei. Anyways that's fix your stance first." Tsukik-sensei said as she quickly walked over to my position and began adjusting my feet, legs, arms, and shoulders in various ways in order to correct my stance. Afterwards she gave me a smile and backed up slightly. "Alright here I come! Remember to stay attentive and not to lose your wit. I'll make sure to hold back but just because I am doesn't mean you won't get hurt if you don't stay on task." My sensei said before she began to rush towards me and quickly attempt a low kick.

I jumped up in a attempt to avoid it but I soon felt her palm slam against my chest and was knocked back flat on my back looking up at the roof, not to mention trying to return my stolen breath. It took me a few seconds to get my barrings but by the time I did Tsukiko-sensei was already picking me up and placing me back on my feet. "Never dodge and leave yourself open like that! If you wanted to jump over my low kick you should have also done a combo with a kick of your own." My sensei lectured me but I immediately grew distasteful. "Do you know how much bigger you are then me? There's no way I could have reached you! Your practically twice my size!" I argued and sensei seemed to smile as if I'd fallen right into her palms. I figured she'd been planing this whole conversation out and I only felt more incompetent as I went along with the plan. "Hollows often stand twenty feet our more high. One hollow's hand my be bigger than your entire body. Me being twice your size hardly qualifies for anything. Even if you couldn't counter then you should have dodged properly so you wouldn't be open. Come on I'll teach you how to do a back hand spring in order to dodge a kick like that."

I quickly watched as Tsukiko-sensei showed me the technique. It was a simple one in which a person flipped backwards and used their hands to propel themselves back on their feet and away from their enemy. No doubt it would have worked against her kick. "Alright I'm going to spot you as you practice. Just try to do it as I did in a similar fluid motion. I'll be there to catch you before you fall so you won't have to worry about possibly breaking your neck and the sort." She told me and I couldn't help but taking advantage of the chance. "You'll catch me when I fall?" I said purposely saying like a little kid would when they got emotional. Of course sensei quickly picked up on the sarcasm and she gave me a mix of a glare and a smile. "That's just get to work Kiyokawa-kun. If you want to fool around do it on your own time." Tsukiko-sensei told me although I could tell she still slightly enjoyed my words.

After that we spent the rest of the afternoon practicing away at that the technique. I fell more times then I could count in my attempts to do the same thing that sensei had done so easily. The only comfort to my failure was the fact that sensei was there to catch me every time and would always give me encouraging words of advice on how I could improve. Finally after a long while I managed to do the technique with her spot at which I had immediately thought I had mastered it and tried to do it without a spot. Of course I quickly fell down and narrowly avoided being harmed. A act which caused sensei to give me a long lecture on listening to her instructions more carefully. Finally though by the end of the day I had managed to do the technique without sensei's help. After which she congratulated me greatly.

"That was great Kiyokawa-kun! You'll be able to use it perfectly in battle if you keep practicing! I've got to head home now though so that'll be the end of our lesson today. I hope you decide to show up tomorrow because I at least feel like I'm teaching you something even if the rest of my students won't get up. Maybe you can help me with that tomorrow huh?" Tsukiko-sensei told me as she grabbed her zanpaktu and headed for the door. I looked over at her comment and noticed that the students where still sleeping and had hardly moved a muscle from earlier. I really had trouble believing it myself but it'd be something I could help Tsukiko-sensei deal with tomorrow. I figured it would be good to learn some more techniques from here anyways. It was like packing in a extra class after I was done with all of mine and would be a nice complement to my abilities. Especially since it was one on one training instead of the usual class size. "See you tomorrow Tsukiko-sensei!" I said as we parted ways.

[blackheartz]

First thing that shot into my mind was that you wrote in First-person. Don't use "I jumped", "we jumped", and stuff that refers to people or yourself in first-person. You have to write in third-person like, "Kiyokawa Hibiki jumped", or "Kiyokawa and her friends jumped."

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

First thing that shot into my mind was that you wrote in First-person. Don't use "I jumped", "we jumped", and stuff that refers to people or yourself in first-person. You have to write in third-person like, "Kiyokawa Hibiki jumped", or "Kiyokawa and her friends jumped."

woah! Since when did this happen and why? I don't really understand the concept of that. I used to write in third person all the time but I started writing in first person and immediately got hooked. It allows for people to connect with the character in a way not possible in third person. It makes the character deeper and easier to affiliate with yourself because you can really feel like you are experiencing what the character feels. It allows for so much more then third person could ever dream of allowing. I mean you can do first person stuff through third person but the minute you do it becomes allot more impersonal. Also a final side note... do yo really expect me to rewrite that entire thing? Do you have any idea how long it took and the effort I put into it...

Thanks.

~HK~

[blackheartz]

I have a good idea how long you took to wrote that mission. Trust me. My accumulated word count in this RPG alone must have been at least 30,000 words, if not more. So I do know how much effort it takes to write.

Also, I do know the wonders first-person creates. I fully understand that. To fully immerse in a character, you have to be the character. And that's what we don't want you to do. Firstly if everyone fully immerses in a character, there's bound to conflicts when your character is personally hurt. I've seen this many a time in my moderating experience and people won't stop when I tell them to. Usually, it takes a very long time before both reach a compromise and I don't want that happening again.

Secondly, the entire BARPG has been standardized to write in third-person view. So we're not really obliged to change our writing form because you wrote in first-person are we? The reason for standardization is because during collabrative missions, it allows continuity for readers. While the authors may find it easy to read, because they totally understand what's happening in what they write, readers don't.

"Michael and Buble jumped down a flight of stairs."

"Me and Buble jumped down a flight of stairs."

Immediately, perspective changes. And that's what I find is very important. They don't know who "I" is. They know who "Michael" is, but who's "I"?

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Well first off it doesn't matter rather you are writing first or third person if you aren't fully connected to your character then you are a failure as a author. The best pieces of literature in culture are those that allow people to connect with the characters of the story. When your hero is losing or hurt you want to cry or you want to beat the antagonist who is hurting him, when they are winning you want to cheer them on, and when they finally get that relationship going you can't help but give a "awww" as they kiss. If you're are telling me as a author to not connect with my characters then how could I ever dream of my readers being able to?

On your next point I also find myself confused. I understand that you have the system in place in order for continuity to be given to the reader but it is still provided by first person at just the same level if not better. Multiple perspectives truly add to writing in a way that one perspective couldn't. Why do you think people enjoy democracy so much? It allows for a full view on a situation by allowing both parties to address their perspective. I know from experience that it really bolsters both of the author's writing when you have one writing in third and one writing in first. I've done many collabs on other role playing sites and it's turned out quite well. In fact some other people on the site started writing in first person just because they read it and enjoyed the writing so much.

Secondly I think you are completely degrading the readers when you say they couldn't figure out who "I" is. For instance in your example of "Michael and Buble jumped down a flight of stairs." well if I respond and write "Me and Buble jumped down a flight of stairs." then as a reader I know who is jumping down next to Buble. It's Michael so there isn't any confusion there. The next thing is that I'd like to address is that in a actual collab you aren't going to have the problem of learning who I is. If not through the example I just gave then through the characters talking. If a character says "Hey Buble!" and then the next person post saying "I heard someone call my name and turned to see Michael" then immediately you know that "I" is actually Buble.

If for some reason the situation presents themselves where "I" remains unnamed then that's not necessarily a bad thing either. If readers don't know the name of your character they are going to want to keep reading. It makes things all that much more interesting to find out about the person who is walking around but so far no one seems to know who he/she is. In fact it adds a more realistic approach to the story and lets the readers feel more like they are there and less like they are reading. If I post and say "Buble walked into the store." then you are giving the reader all the information right there but if I post and say "I walked into the shop and slowly walked over to the bar. "Haven't seen you around these parts nice to meet you I'm the barkeep Michael." The man behind the counter said to me. I gave him a quick smile as I responded "Nice to meet ya I'm Buble." I responded." Immediately your reader feels more like they are sitting there watching the actual scene and less like you are just sitting there jabbering on. Now of course given that you can produce the same effect with third person but it's much less impersonal.

Finally I'd like to say I understand your rule and I'm not going to sit here and fight you all day over it but I can't comprehend while personal chapters and missions cannot be written in first person. There is no break in the reading if you decide to stick with the style and I fail to see any other argument against it as it provides so much more to the character if done correctly. Once again I have no problem converting to third person in collabs if you really wish it so as your reasoning is understandable but to me it really feels like you are not just inhibiting your authors but also insulting the intelligence of your readers when you'll go as far to ban it from personal chapters and mission.

Thanks.

~HK~

[blackheartz]

Firstly, I want to say that I'm not going to continue this debate of what kind of perspective writing is better.

Secondly, we've a system in place for a reason. If you dislike how the system works, then you're lucky that you found out early. The door is open, and there're many RPGs that will cater to your needs.

Thirdly, I do not need a lesson on writing a story whatsoever. Also, I think you need to lower your volume a little. Telling me that if I think my readers can't figure out who "I" means, then I'm 'completely degrading' will never work. I've worked with many people throughout my days in writing and I believe I'm very experienced when it comes to how my readers react to different kinds of situations.

Lastly, I want to say that you're still very welcome to join, and if you wish to have a successful application, please go ahead in third-person narration. If not, I'm sure you'll find many RPGs suitable for your writing style.

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Firstly, I want to say that I'm not going to continue this debate of what kind of perspective writing is better.

Secondly, we've a system in place for a reason. If you dislike how the system works, then you're lucky that you found out early. The door is open, and there're many RPGs that will cater to your needs.

Thirdly, I do not need a lesson on writing a story whatsoever. Also, I think you need to lower your volume a little. Telling me that if I think my readers can't figure out who "I" means, then I'm 'completely degrading' will never work. I've worked with many people throughout my days in writing and I believe I'm very experienced when it comes to how my readers react to different kinds of situations.

Lastly, I want to say that you're still very welcome to join, and if you wish to have a successful application, please go ahead in third-person narration. If not, I'm sure you'll find many RPGs suitable for your writing style.

Look I'm sorry I got angry at you but it really irks me when I make a application and you tell me the whole thing is void because of my writing style. I've looked all through the rules and haven't been able to find this rule. At first I thought I missed it or something but I couldn't find it. I think it's wrong I spend hours on a application like that and you tell me it's immediately void just because I wrote in first person. I can cope with writing in third person on regular post if I had to but when I wasn't told I had to write in third person for my app then commented that I did and have to rewrite entire app which I spent hours on it really annoys me to no end. I hope you can have at least the slightest bit of understanding about my situation.

Thanks.

~HK~

[blackheartz]

It isn't in the rules? Oh god, I really have to apologize then. We really should have put it in the rules.

Alright, I'll make you an exception. This is because I can see that you can produce quality writing by reading your posts. I can omit you from having to submit a third-person view application, but you have to make sure you write in third-person in future if you're putting in stuff for BARPG.

However, you still have to edit your profile into third-person. Meaning appearance, personality, and anything except the sample mission will have to be in third-person.

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Alright it is fixed. Thank you so much for understanding. Also I can't change the title of the app. I changed it in the edit but it only seems to changed the little thing not the big title. I changed squads because when I originally signed up the gotei 13 board was passworded so I was using the old descriptions.

Thanks.

~HK~

[blackheartz]

You're welcome. I changed the thread title for you.

Double-check everything and make sure there're no mistakes in grammar and stuff. Make doubly sure that you're satisfied with how your character will be because it'll not be easy to change anything that you've already put in right on this application after you've submitted the final.

If everything is checked and done, you may post the link in the Final Application thread and you're ready to rock. :)

[Kiyokawa Hibiki]

Thanks again I'll make sure to do that! Hope to see you around the site! ^.^ Once again I'm sorry about me freakin out on you I was in a bit of a bad mood and I sort of cracked (been sick and have been eating once or twice every three days >.>).

Thanks

~HK~