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Katen Kyokotsu
05-23-2008, 11:24 PM
Name: Hideki, Akira (M)


Age: Age at death 32

Age: in Soul Society 43


Personality:
Hideki is considered to be a loner, not really going out of his way to communicate with others. In Soul Society he hates people who lie and try to twist the truth to gain an advantage for ones self or for there own personal gain and those who abuse power. He is a kind considerate person willing to help people in need. Seeing people suffering often make Hideki angry making him some times careless in a fight. His strength lies in his sense of right. Also his will never giving in to fear if it is to protect some one he would die rather than see them hurt. Takes pride in his personal appearance and spends time to make sure he is well groomed

Physical Appearance:
Hideki is 5 ft, 9 inches tall and about 140 lbs. with light Gray eyes often in sunlight can be, mistaken for being pure white. He has short spiked brown hair, with a thin pony tail 4 inches long that, has been platted. His skin is lightly tanned and his chest is covered with hair but is well kept. Light stubble is seen on his face, but no more than that. He has a scar on his head around 9 cm long starting on the top right of his head, to the corner of the right eye brow and looks out of place, with the tan of his body and face as the scar tends to be lighter than his skin. He has an average body, muscular but not over built like some. He has a tattoo on his left forearm, of a beautiful women dancing in a green dress, with a flowing red ribbon around her held in her right hand. He wares a standard white Kosode under a black Kimono and a white obi sash.


Division:
12th Division

Zanpakuto:
His Zanpakuto 27inches long in the blade, apart for a slightly shorter hilt that is eight inches long, which is covered with crimson colored wrap and with a small golden flat circular tsuba and engraved on is a ribbon floating on the wind. Carried on the left hip in a crimson scabbard, with an immaculate gold painted maple leafs, stretching the full length of the scabbard that is hand made from wood. When wielded its held, in the right hand, and is one handed being used for deflecting blows, and quick cutting of enemy’s limbs.

Biography:
He awoke about 8 am and turned over to see his girlfriend, had already gone to work. So he got out of bed moving slowly down stairs, he turned the kettle on to make him self some tea. It was a cold morning with a gray sky. He went and sat down on the sofa, looking at a picture of his parents thinking. “I must go and visit them soon” “how long has it been since they died?” the kettle had finished boiling, so he got up and made my self a tea, sitting back and almost falling asleep again he turned on the television, flicking through the channels to see if he could, find some thing to watch. But there was not a lot on that day, but he left it on while he got dressed after having a wash and shave he started to clean the house, as he normally did for his girlfriend when he was doing a night, shift and the hours went by. he looked at the time 8 pm well I may as well head to work so he grabbed his stuff and headed to work. Another day, still the same thing endless reports came across his desk a punch up in a bar, speeding, theft, arson and missing persons he began thinking to him self, now I see why my predecessor had a mental breakdown, but still it could be worse I could be a lieutenant then my paper work would double and I have enough with what I have every day, but I would love to leave this office just for an hour or two.

(Knocks on the lieutenant's door)

Lieutenant Koichi said come in,

"Excuse me sir may I have a word?"

"Yes what is it Hideki?"

"Well Sir its a case of Tetsuo is still having problems with his leg and needs to be doing a desk job, not out on patrol and I was thinking if u agree sir I would take his patrol for him."

"Hmmmmmmm, sounds like a good idea ok I’ll approve it"

"Thank you Sir"

After I was out of the office I went over to Tetsuo. “Tetsuo I said to him you can pilot the desk tonight I am taking your patrol"

"Rather you than me have you seen the weather out there so by all means"

"Thank you"

As he was walking out he turned around and said "Oh the pile next to the desk is today's" laughing next thing he saw a pencil flying at his head and he ducked just, in time. Still laughing he walked out side it was raining heavy; he hunched his shoulders and walked out into the rain. He had been walking for about 30 minutes when he heard a gun shot from down the road, he radioed it through and ran too were the sound came from and as he got to the corner of the street, a hail of bullets came from round the corner and he shouted "PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS THIS THE POLICE!"

The answer he got back was not so good another hail of gunfire he had his 9mm in his hand laying flat on the ground and slowly tried to get a shot on the gunman who was stood in the doorway of a convenience store that he was trying to steal from. There’s was my shot, he pulled the trigger but as he did the shooter moved the round clipped his leg and he knew he was dead as he fell he aimed his pistol at me and he felt a warm feeling pass through the right hand side of his chest. As he tried to take cover that’s it he though.

As the pain shot through the gunman had started to flee he was laying on my back in a pool of blood he was starting to feel cold is this going to be the end? He heard the scuffle of sandals on the floor and he looked over to see a figure in black carrying a sword he was too weak to lift his gun and now he thought it’s over next thing he knew he was looking down at his body and the figure spoke to him saying "Are you ready?"

"Ready? What do u mean ready? I am not going to die they can still save me!"

"Are you sure? Look closer and tell me there is still life."

"But I can't die yet"

He sat a cried for what to him seamed a life time but then the voice spoke and said "I am sorry but it's time" he looked at her with tear in his eyes, "then into hell I must go."

"No" she said "Not hell but a place called Soul Society."
Specialty:

-Zanjutsu
-Hohou

Katen Kyokotsu
05-23-2008, 11:25 PM
Sample mission:

Hmmmmmm what a nice breeze as the sun beat down over head, I was sat under a tree when the message came through, a large volume of hollows had been spotted in the real world it was our turn to answer the call. I suppose it being us proving whether we were good enough to join 1 of the 13 court guard squads. Regardless we were on our feet headed for the senkaimon "Is this a drill?" I remember thinking, and then I saw Hicahi "Oi! Is this a drill!?" I shouted to him "Damn are you stupid?" he replied "What do think?" All of us being dragged away from every thing and being ordered to the real world. Well I had to ask "Any clue what we are up against?" "They say it’s a large group of hollows" "Yea well I hope they have more strength than the last ones if not its going to be boring" "Yea well, don’t get to cocky or you may not have me around to cover your ass."

After passing through the senkaimon and entering the real world we came up against the hollows, twenty verses five. I drew my Zanpakuto and charged at the first hollow in my sight swinging my blade up across his mask slicing it in half one down nineteen to go. Hicahi and the others had engaged the rest of the hollows, one by one they started falling "Why the alert for these wimps" Hicahi said. "I don’t know" then I felt a something there were two hollows left and there spiritual pressure was amazing I could hardly move then from no were more and more hollows appeared was it an ambush.

We started to kill as many as we could but Ashin was caught off guard he had only just graduated the academy there was nothing we could do. We fell back and sent a message for help "What are we going to do Ishain?" "The only thing we can do is our duty" I said. When we joined the 13 Court Guard Squads, we will fight and die in order to protect the people in the real world and that of soul Society, we will not take 1 step back there is only one way to maybe hold out till help arrives if they even heard us.

Damn it, all form a line as I said not one step back we can do this believe and we can not die, man there’s still a lot of them, I thought Ishan was starting to panic. I looked at him and smiled why are you so scared it’s just like a simulation I laughed, I hoped it would ease his mind and it did as his expression changed. From fear to determination now we were ready but the hollows stood there not moving a muscle, "Why?" I was asking myself.

As it made me nervous, the hollows attacked with out fear but hear they are standing are they're afraid to die or do they have a plan? Well as far as I care I am not waiting here to be ambushed again. Then I heard it, Hideki Akira reinforcements will be with you in 10 minutes, "Did u hear that guys? 10 minutes! That’s all we have to hold on for we can do it just don’t give up stand. Your ground! When they come at us fight back to back any thing to keep your self’s alive till they get here!!"

I know we can do it then a wall of hollows started moving as if answering me trying to tell me that I was going to die, but no I was not ready to die and not at this moment but still I had a bad feeling we started fighting back to back as we dispatched hollow after hollow. They kept coming and coming, "Why us?" of all other death gods did we get the worst bit of luck. Still hollows fell I felt my arms, getting tired and starting to think my god it's is hard work, Ishain and Kojin were in the same boat we need to limit there numbers so we could breath, I shouted to them to make for the ally they saw what I was planning and began to move slowly towards the ally. At the same time I and Hicahi started to move but the hollows got wise to fast and started to cut us off from Ishain and Kojin.

"This is not good!" I said looking at Hicahi "No it's not good its fun damn you!!" "Man why are you always like this during a fight??" I said and people call me wired for sitting in a corner on my own. Hideki Akira reinforcements are 3 minutes away "We can make it!! We can make it!!!" Now we felt that same spiritual pressure, were are these dammed hollows? We couldn’t see it only feel it, among the other hollows can you see it no was the reply damn it.

"If it can get to us were dead we can’t fight some thing that strong, talk about your self as he said. don’t get cocky I may not be there to back up, so don’t do any thing stupid god my arm hurts" I fell so weak its taking all my strength to hold them back now yet alone I kill them how long left till reinforcements arrive? "We have to make it can you see Ishain and Kojin?" I said “no but I see flying hollow parts flying all over, so they must be having more fun than us laughing as he said it well this is not fun for me then”.

I heard him say "Damn, now I have gone and done it!" I spun round and saw he was bleeding from his side all of a sudden I felt a rush my arm my body full of energy. Then the hollows again started to fall, I will not let another get injured not here not now. I felt a cold pain in my back "Oh no! That’s it it’s over!" I fell next to Hicahi.

That’s it its over now then the hollows with the huge spiritual pressure was stood over me, and Hicahi then saw a blade flash above my head who was it what was it? I then passed out with losing so much blood. I awoke 2 days later to find Hicahi Ishain and Kojin were all alive the nurse of the 4th squad went to walk away, I grabbed her arm and asked how did I get here and she said it was the captain of the of the 13th Guard Squad. To this day, I owe him my life.

blackheartz
05-24-2008, 12:58 PM
Some spelling errors here and there after a quick glance through your sample. It's pretty long and I'm a lazy reader. >.<

Personality is alright, although you can strengthen it more somewhat. There're many tense errors that you really shouldn't be making, especially those you include in your verbs. You just passed in appearance, and could have added more. Again, grammar errors flung everywhere. Try to keep your biography non-dialogue. People just need to know a brief history. They do not need to the what you told someone else, unless it's a very important phrase or something short.

Also, they're no more specialties at the beginning. You may get your first specialty when you have 10,000 Zenrei Goukei.

Katen Kyokotsu
05-24-2008, 01:28 PM
Ok thats not a problem I knew I had forgoten some things, like removeing the specialties and as for spelling a grammar yes I have a problem with them in general I am more of a LARP unlike this as for the way my biography is, I may just rewrite it but thank you for the help.

Katen Kyokotsu
05-25-2008, 10:47 PM
Name: Hideki, Akira (M)


Age: Age at death 32

Age: in Soul Society 43


Personality:
Hideki is considered to be a loner by most of the people he knows, he does not really go out of his way to communicate with other people. He hates people In Soul Society who lie and try to twist the truth to gain an advantage for their self or for their personal gain and those who abuse a power given to them. Hideki is a kind considerate person willing to help people in need. Seeing people suffering will often make Hideki angry making him at times careless in a fights. His strength lies in his sense of right. Also his strength of will to never give in to fear if it is to protect some one he would die, rather than see them hurt. He takes pride in his personal appearance and spends time to make sure he is well groomed.

Physical Appearance:
Hideki is 5 ft, 9 inches tall and about 140 lbs. with light Gray eyes often in sunlight can be, mistaken for being pure white. He has short spiked brown hair, with a thin pony tail 4 inches long that, has been platted. His skin is lightly tanned and his chest is covered with hair but is well kept. Light stubble is seen on his face, but no more than that. He has a scar on his head around 9 cm long starting on the top right of his head, to the corner of the right eye brow and looks out of place, with the tan of his body and face as the scar tends to be lighter than his skin. He has an average body, muscular but not over built like some. He has a tattoo on his left forearm, of a beautiful women dancing in a green dress, with a flowing red ribbon around her held in her right hand. He wares a standard white Kosode under a black Kimono and a white obi sash.


Division:
12th Division

Zanpakuto:
His Zanpakuto 27inches long in the blade, apart for a slightly shorter hilt that is eight inches long, which is covered with crimson colour wrap and with a small golden flat circular tsuba and engraved on it is a ribbon floating on the wind. Carried on his left hip in a crimson scabbard, with an immaculate gold painted maple leafs, stretching the full length of the scabbard that is hand crafted made from wood. When wielded its held, in the right hand, and is one handed being used for deflecting blows, and quick cutting of enemy’s limbs.

Biography:
In the years before his death he worked as a police officer, going from day to day the same thing repeating. Until he meets his partner who after two years decided to move in with each other, and were living in a town outside Tokyo. Shortly after moving in trouble started, his partner was followed day and night by an ex-boyfriend. After an encounter with Hideki he disappeared, and things went back to normal.

For a year or so things went along the same lines until one night, there was an armed robbery at a local store. Five armed men stormed the store and took the shop keeper hostage, Hideki had just joined the armed response unit and this was his first assignment. During that assignment things went wrong and Hideki was killed, leaving his girlfriend behind.
----------
Sample mission:

Hmmmmmm what a nice breeze as the sun beat down over head, I was sat under a tree when the message came through, a large volume of hollows had been spotted in the real world it was our turn to answer the call. I suppose it being us proving whether we were good enough to join 1 of the 13 court guard squads. Regardless we were on our feet headed for the senkaimon "Is this a drill?" I remember thinking, and then I saw Hicahi "Oi! Is this a drill!?" I shouted to him "Damn are you stupid?" he replied "What do think?" All of us being dragged away from every thing and being ordered to the real world. Well I had to ask "Any clue what we are up against?" "They say it’s a large group of hollows" "Yea well I hope they have more strength than the last ones if not its going to be boring" "Yea well, don’t get to cocky or you may not have me around to cover your ass."

After passing through the senkaimon and entering the real world we came up against the hollows, twenty verses five. I drew my Zanpakuto and charged at the first hollow in my sight swinging my blade up across his mask slicing it in half one down nineteen to go. Hicahi and the others had engaged the rest of the hollows, one by one they started falling "Why the alert for these wimps" Hicahi said. "I don’t know" then I felt a something there were two hollows left and there spiritual pressure was amazing I could hardly move then from no were more and more hollows appeared was it an ambush.

We started to kill as many as we could but Ashin was caught off guard he had only just graduated the academy there was nothing we could do. We fell back and sent a message for help "What are we going to do Ishain?" "The only thing we can do is our duty" I said. When we joined the 13 Court Guard Squads, we will fight and die in order to protect the people in the real world and that of soul Society, we will not take 1 step back there is only one way to maybe hold out till help arrives if they even heard us.

Damn it, all form a line as I said not one step back we can do this believe and we can not die, man there’s still a lot of them, I thought Ishan was starting to panic. I looked at him and smiled why are you so scared it’s just like a simulation I laughed, I hoped it would ease his mind and it did as his expression changed. From fear to determination now we were ready but the hollows stood there not moving a muscle, "Why?" I was asking myself.

As it made me nervous, the hollows attacked with out fear but hear they are standing are they're afraid to die or do they have a plan? Well as far as I care I am not waiting here to be ambushed again. Then I heard it, Hideki Akira reinforcements will be with you in 10 minutes, "Did u hear that guys? 10 minutes! That’s all we have to hold on for we can do it just don’t give up stand. Your ground! When they come at us fight back to back any thing to keep your self’s alive till they get here!!"

I know we can do it then a wall of hollows started moving as if answering me trying to tell me that I was going to die, but no I was not ready to die and not at this moment but still I had a bad feeling we started fighting back to back as we dispatched hollow after hollow. They kept coming and coming, "Why us?" of all other death gods did we get the worst bit of luck. Still hollows fell I felt my arms, getting tired and starting to think my god it's is hard work, Ishain and Kojin were in the same boat we need to limit there numbers so we could breath, I shouted to them to make for the ally they saw what I was planning and began to move slowly towards the ally. At the same time I and Hicahi started to move but the hollows got wise to fast and started to cut us off from Ishain and Kojin.

"This is not good!" I said looking at Hicahi "No it's not good its fun damn you!!" "Man why you are always like this during a fight??" I said and people call me wired for sitting in a corner on my own. Hideki Akira reinforcements are 3 minutes away "We can make it!! We can make it!!!" Now we felt that same spiritual pressure, were are these dammed hollows? We couldn’t see it only feel it, among the other hollows can you see it no was the reply damn it.

"If it can get to us were dead we can’t fight some thing that strong, talk about your self as he said. don’t get cocky I may not be there to back up, so don’t do any thing stupid god my arm hurts" I fell so weak its taking all my strength to hold them back now yet alone I kill them how long left till reinforcements arrive? "We have to make it can you see Ishain and Kojin?" I said “no but I see flying hollow parts flying all over, so they must be having more fun than us laughing as he said it well this is not fun for me then”.

I heard him say "Damn, now I have gone and done it!" I spun round and saw he was bleeding from his side all of a sudden I felt a rush my arm my body full of energy. Then the hollows again started to fall, I will not let another get injured not here not now. I felt a cold pain in my back "Oh no! That’s it it’s over!" I fell next to Hicahi.

That’s it its over now then the hollows with the huge spiritual pressure was stood over me, and Hicahi then saw a blade flash above my head who was it what was it? I then passed out with losing so much blood. I awoke 2 days later to find Hicahi Ishain and Kojin were all alive the nurse of the 4th squad went to walk away, I grabbed her arm and asked how did I get here and she said it was the captain of the of the 13th Guard Squad. To this day, I owe him my life.

Ultranator
05-27-2008, 02:53 AM
Hello Hideki-san,

I believe that this app is much improved. Despite the fact that it's in first person, your sample chapter is well written. So, we will let this pass if you understand that in the future your missions should be written in 3rd person past tense. Make sure to post a link in the Final thread once you're ready to be decided on.

Katen Kyokotsu
05-27-2008, 10:57 AM
Fukushuushin thank you for the comments and yes I do realise what I have done with that, it was a bad mistake but I will remeber that for next time.