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setbaby
05-31-2008, 12:16 PM
Name: Yuutoku Seigi

Age: 16 at death. 153 in Soul Society.

Gender: Male

Personality:
When Seigi was a small child, his timid-ness did not go unnoticed. Most people bullied him and called him names and he was a very emotional child and never left his house, only to go to school. But when he reached his teenager stage, he began to be more confident, he did not let anyone push him around anymore, whenever he was ridiculed, he would stand his ground and fight back. When he died and went to Soul Society, his personality had a sudden twist of fate. He became a very easy going guy who got along with almost everyone. He never started a fight because of his laid-back personality, unless he was physically provoked, and if he was he would take it extremely seriously and just got down to business. He is also very loyal to all his fellow shinigamis, but does not forgive people easily. He is also very mentally aware and is able to answer questions quickly. He is a very quick-witted individual who is also very outgoing and helps anyone in any way possible.

Physical Appearance:
At first sight, Seigi appears to have a face that is not very striking and has no real significance, but his face will grow on you and once it does he will appear to be a very handsome man. His handsomeness compliments his slightly buffed body, gained by many hours of training with his kendo stick in the dojo and his daily evening jogs

He is relatively tall, standing at a height of about 5'10". His brown shoulder-length hair has a certain originality to it being very scruffy-looking, and hanging over his ears, which are pierced. His face is somewhat square-shaped, very unique. His nose further compliments his face with a very straight bridge and medium sized nostrils. Alongside his nose are his beautiful green eyes which brighten up his face making him all the more handsome. He has very distinct and prominent features. He has rather large cheek bones he also has a slightly sharped chin.

He weighs in at about 175 pounds. His medium length neck, which has a slightly prominent adam's apple, which connects his head to broad shoulders. He has long arms that stretch to about a third down his thighs. His long legs are key factors contributing to his tallness.

Biography:
Seigi was a very avid musician and he really loved to play at gigs and concerts with his very close friends, and there was this one time where he was playing a concert where the crowd was extremely active and he decided to get in with the action. So he put his guitar down, and he then attempted a stage-dive for the first time in his life but to no avail, because most people moved out of the way and he broke his neck upon impact with the floor.

Most of the people there were really shocked and were stuck in their tracks. It wasn't until 5 minutes later that someone went to call and ambulance. When the paramedics arrived they ran into the hall and saw Seigi lying on the floor motionless, they quickly rushed him to the hospital. When the doctors were treating him they soon realized that he was clinically dead upon arrival. The doctors were distraught, when they slowly covered his pale face with a sheet.

He then ended up in the 13th District in Rukongai and met a great bunch of people there.
It's almost like he did not want to leave. They would spend each day talking and playing games and just laughing until their bellies hurt.
He also worked in a shop with his father and mother. Whom adopted him when he arrived in Rukongai.
He thought that he would spend eternity there and live happily!

But his dream suddenly became to become a Shinigami!
But he knew that this was impossible as he did not have any powers.

Until one day, when he was able to perform a very weak Kidou. He was overjoyed!
With this small evidence that he does have powers, he entered in the Shinigami Training Academy, leaving all his friends behind.

This was a big sacrifice for him and he was distraught, but it was necessary for him to follow his dreams.

Division Being Applied To: 8th Division

Zanapkuto Appearance:
Seigi's zanpakuto is a relatively long sword measuring in at 52 inches in total; 40 inch blade with a 12 inch hilt. The black colored guard is basically circular shaped with an odd looking engraving on it. Seigi himself has no idea what it is. The red colored hilt is wrapped in a jet black silk-like material. The scabbard of the sword is a deep maroon red with an image of a silver dragon etched into it. A small dragon image can also be noticed on the pommel cap of the hilt.
http://www.kingofswords.com/images/BattleOfSekigaharaChinuru3PieceKatanaSetRed.jpg

Sample Mission: On The Next Page

Ultranator
06-01-2008, 05:33 AM
Hola Seigi,

Before you post your sample chapter, I have a few things for you to fix in your app. First, there are a lot of fragment sentances. You should try to use complete sentances throughout your whole application.

Also, I see that you've named your Zanpakuto already. Your character will not know your zanpakuto's name yet, because his link to it's spirit is not strong enough for him to even hear it speak yet. That section is solely for you to describe the physical attributes of your Zanpakuto's sealed form.

Lastly you need to add the sex of your character, and your personality section could use a few more details.

setbaby
06-01-2008, 08:27 AM
Okay, it has been edited.
Hope it is up to standard now Ultranator-sama.

Ultranator
06-02-2008, 06:05 AM
Was a very avid musician and loved to play at gigs and concerts.
There was one concert where the crowd was very active and he decided to get in with the action.
So he put his guitar down, attempted a stage-dive and people moved aside and he broke his neck upon impact.
Killing him instantly.


Here's some examples of what I was talking about.

Sentances require a subject and a verb.

setbaby
06-03-2008, 04:29 AM
Okay, it has been edited.
I think this is last time it will be.
I would like for you to re-read it Ultranator-sama.

*Bows*

Ultranator
06-05-2008, 04:43 PM
Alright, I see the paragraph that I used as an example. Now, please go back through your whole app and check for fragment sentances, and run on's.

alannacho
06-12-2008, 03:40 PM
This suggestion was made by blackheartz in another application so I'm going to suggest it here as well. Try using a word processing program to type up your application (or copy and paste it into one). This will help you to find spelling, punctuation, and other grammar mistakes easier. Also I suggest that you find a 3rd party outside the BARPG to critique your work before posting. They can find problems that you may have missed.

Make sure to use complete sentences in your application. Read over your application and see if you can find any way to improve it as well. You can look at developing your appearance more.

setbaby
06-16-2008, 10:29 AM
Alright, I believe that it is finished.
I have re-read and re-read it, and I can't find any faults with it.
Please read it again!
Thank you! :o

gammaakutabi52
06-17-2008, 03:35 AM
Another thing. I do believe in order to join the 8th division, you have to already be a person of the BARPG, as the only people in it are supposed to be invited. Of course, that is what it used to be, though I am unsure now.

blackheartz
06-17-2008, 03:47 AM
Not anymore gamma. However, it's still much tougher to get in than other Divisions because I go through these applications myself and as you know, I'm not too easy to get past.

setbaby
06-17-2008, 04:12 AM
Then may I change my application completely?
As in to another division?

blackheartz
06-17-2008, 06:49 AM
Sure, if you wish to. Details in your application aren't final until you've submitted your application as a final and it's been approved.

setbaby
06-17-2008, 04:21 PM
Alright, I've finished my sample chapter.
It's ready for a final read.

setbaby
06-20-2008, 06:54 AM
Sample Mission:

"Arigatou Gozaimasu! Mata Irasshai Kudasai!" (Thank You, Please Come Again!)
Said Seigi as a customer left the shop.

Around this time, the shop was very busy with it being the middle of the day. People kept rushing into the store as if it were a flash-flood in a rainforest. Seigi, with his father, Yuutoku Akio, and his mother, Yuutoku Katsumi, are always very tired by the end of the day.

On some days, when the shop is not as busy like most days, Katsumi and Akio would be in the back room counting their stock or just drinking some tea or, on special occasions, sake. Seigi would be in the front manning the store, he was not happy about this, because he wanted to bond with his parents.

One day, Akio called Seigi to the back, and he was so happy as he thought that his father was finally calling him to join them, but his high-hopes did not prevail.

"Bring me more sake from the store would you?" said Akio. "Make sure it's nice and cold! And have you had your lunch yet?"

"Not yet, but I'm going to take my break now, if that is okay with you." said Seigi with a slight shiver in his voice being extremely hungry.

Seigi walked out to the front of the store and placed a bottle of cold sake on a tray with a couple of glasses.

"Here's your sake Otoosan." Seigi handed the bottle of sake to his father leaving a ring of condensation on the tray.

Before leaving the back room, Seigi was brought down to one knee, thus dropping the tray and it rolled towards his father. Seigi felt a strong pulse of spirit power, or Reiatsu, hit him and was brought down to both knees now. His father immediately rose from his chair to aid Seigi.

"What's wrong son?" asked Akio with his voice full of concern.

"I don't know, I'm sure it's nothing. I'll be fine." upon saying this he rose from his knees and stood up on his feet.

Seigi then walked out to the front of the store and noticed a male shinigami standing at the entrance of the store with an expressionless face. He was wearing a peculiar headdress that looked like a cross between a palm tree branch and a rubber glove.

"Can I help you?" Seigi said to the emotionless shinigami.

"Are you Mr. Yuutoku Seigi?" the shinigami said in deep voice with as much emotion as his face.

Upon hearing his son's name, Akio steps out of the back room to see the shinigami standing at the entrance.

"Yes he is, why? Did he do something wrong?" inquired Akio.

The shinigami turned his head to look at Akio and said, "My name is Masayoshi Kazuhiko, and I heard that your son, Seigi, is wanting to become a shinigami of the Gotei 13?"

Akio was confused, as Seigi did not say anything to his father about his dreams to become a shinigami.

"Do you really want to become a shinigami Seigi?" his father asked him with a nervous look on his face as he really did not want him to leave.

Seigi slowly turned to his father and looked up at him and said, "Yes I do Otoosan. It has been my dream ever since I performed a small kidou at the back alley of our house. I'm so sorry Otoosan and Okaasan. But I have made up my mind."

While all this was happening, a family friend, Juro Mikio, stepped into the store and looked confused as to why a shinigami was here and why everyone looked so sad. He walked around the store and it was almost like no one was taking notice of him. Akio and Katsumi were both looking at Seigi with tears in their eyes.

"Why is everyone so sad? Who died?" said Mikio with a slight laugh in his voice.
Kazuhiko then turned to him and said, "Their son, Yuutoku Seigi is coming with me to become a shinigami and fulfill his dreams."

Mikio was shocked. He always knew the Yuutoku family to be a fun-loving family.

"Do not worry Mr. and Mrs. Yuutoku, he will always be able to come back and visit whenever he likes." said Kazuhiko with a hint of concern that could be sensed in the way that he spoke to them.

"I'm really very sorry Otoosan, Okaasan. Will you ever forgive me?" asked Seigi.

Both of his parents just hugged each other and looked away. Seigi was extremely distraught. He went over to hug his parents and then he said, "I will always be here with you."

And then he burst out crying and so did his parents. Kazuhiko bowed down to them in respect. Mikio saw him bowing and he did the same, for no apparent reason.

"It is time." Kazuhiko stepped aside to allow Seigi to step out of the store.
Seigi then turned around to his parent's and said, "I love you."

Seigi and Kazuhiko then made their way towards Seireitei to start Seigi's shinigami training.
On the way to Seireitei, Seigi had to pass his group of friends that he met when arrived at Rukongai, and he did not want them to notice him heading off to Seireitei to abandon them to become a shinigami.
They were playing and laughing and just having a great time.
Then Seigi looked over at them at started to tear.

"What's wrong Seigi?" asked Kazuhiko.

"Nothing. It's just that I'm really going to miss them you know?" Seigi said as he looked up at Kazuhiko.

"I know, I know. It'll be alright. Oh and I forgot to tell you, be prepared for what you are about to embark on. It's not an easy journey. It will be extremely tough. But, on the contrary, I will be there the whole time by your side to encourage you." said Kazuhiko as a smile emerged for the first time.

Seigi then wiped away his tears with his torn up sleeve and continued walking with Kazuhiko on their way to Seireitei.

Word Count: 1, 017

alannacho
06-20-2008, 06:51 PM
Setbaby, please go over your mission and check for punctuation errors. There are many that I have found. You may want to use a word processor to assist you. There may also be online assistance you can find.

And for this part of your application..
He then ended up in the 13th District in Rukongai and met a great bunch of people there.
It's almost like he did not want to leave. They would spend each day talking and playing games and just laughing until their bellies hurt.
He also worked in a shop with his father and mother. Whom adopted him when he arrived in Rukongai.
He thought that he would spend eternity there and live happily!
But his dream suddenly became to become a Shinigami!
But he knew that this was impossible as he did not have any powers.
Until one day, when he was able to perform a very weak Kidou. He was overjoyed!
With this small evidence that he does have powers, he entered in the Shinigami Training Academy, leaving all his friends behind.
This was a big sacrifice for him and he was distraught, but it was necessary for him to follow his dreams.

Please change this into paragraph format. It makes reading of the biography easier.