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[Application] Jack Slavish <8th Division> - BleachAnime.org Forums

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Urahara87
06-15-2008, 12:23 AM
Name:
Jackal Slavish, Male

Age:
Age of Death in Mortal World: 18
Age in Soul Society: 43

Appearance:
Jackal is 6'3 and weighs 193 lb. He has a slight muscular build with dark, brown hair that almost seems to come down to his shoulders. His hair is usually styled messy and crosses over the top of itself. Jackal has dark blue eyes that often seem to look sad or disappointed. He has a mid-length necklace with a cross pendent attached to the end of it that is always tucked underneath his shirt.

He wears a white trench coat laced in brown that comes down to his shins, with a black undershirt. The right shoulder of the coat is much larger than the left. It has seven long metal spikes that stick strait out of it. On the first three of these metal spikes is a curved metal piece holding them together. On the last five metal spikes there is another curved metal piece, lower down than the first, holding them together. The left shoulder of the coat is covered in brown leather straps.

He usually slouches a little when he walks, but stands up strait when addressed by a superior. His skin color is tanned white and he has a pleasant smell about him. Jackal has had a large scar on the right side of his body that he has had ever since he arrived in the soul society. The scar starts from the back of his elbow and leads all the way down to the side of his hip, and strangely resembles the grill of a bus.

Personality:
Jackal likes to hide his true personality though he is a very kind person. He usually acts nice to everyone he meets allowing him to easily make friends. He laughs at all the things he thinks to be funny-- even if nobody else is laughing at it. He tries to make other people feel better about themselves even though he cannot do this for himself. The main reason he truly tries to make friends is to shield himself emotionally from his own pain.

If he gets too focused on hurting someone, he will not try to harm them physically. Instead he will try to pit that person's friends against them and hurt them emotionally. He has the unique ability to read people very well, allowing him to tell what they are thinking. If Jackal is ever in a situation were he is about to fight he tries to talk his opponent out of it, and usually he can. In Jackals opinion fighting and sparing are two very different things. He believes sparing is formal and respectable, but he thinks fighting disrespectful and savage unless it is for a good cause.

He can usually deal with being picked on and made fun of, but if you start to mess with his friends then he will most likely lose it. He is not really optimistic or pessimistic. Jackal looks at everything as one big problem that can be solved with a simple answer. So if the outcome of a situation is going to be negative then he will say what he fells is truly about to happen. This does not at all affect how well he is in combat, he always has hope that everything will turn out for the best.

Jack usually expresses his true self when he is alone and no one is watching him. He fells that life is almost pointless. He believes the people that fell this way are only here to protect the people that do not fell this way. To Jackal existence is like a big puzzle. He ponders about it every day but he can never solve it. He constantly brings himself down about things he has no control over. Jackal believes he does not deserve the good life he has, but he still puts himself out there to try to make a good impression with people so he can try to make their life better.

Biography:
Jackal prefers to be called Jack. Jack was an honor student in High School. He made straight A's in all of his classes and was never tardy. He had many friends and almost everyone he met enjoyed being around him. While he was walking home from school with his friends one day.

Jack saw a little kid run into the street in front of a bus. Jack saw the child and dropped his books. He darted toward the kid as fast as his legs would let him. Jacks friends stood there wondering what he was doing. By the time Jack got to the kid it was too late. Jack had attempted to push the kid out of the way but was too late. The truck had hit both of them.

Jacks friends called the hospital but they had arrived too late. The paramedics told Jacks parents that It killed Jack and the kid instantly. But they lied so Jacks parents wouldn't have to know. Jack lived one hour of grueling pain before he died in the hospital from loss of blood.

When Jack entered the Rukongai he was in the 19th district. He was resting against a wall when he regained consciousness. He sat there for three days straight just staring into the sky with the saddest eyes anyone had ever seen. On the fourth day of sitting there he looked down and saw a child being picked on by some older kids. Jack instantly stood up and chased the older kids away. He told the child that if they ever picked on him again to just go find him and he would fix everything.

He stayed in the 19th district for around 20 years protecting anyone who was too weak to protect themselves. One day he saw a group of Shinigami walk passed town. He did not know what a Shinigami was because nobody had ever told him before. To Jack they looked like gang, because the matching outfits. Jack followed closely but silently behind them waiting for one of them to try something. Jack was about to stop tailing them when suddenly, one of the younger kids he had grown to know went over to one of the Shinigami and started to ask for some money. The Shinigami pushed the kid down and spat on him, calling him a peasant.

Jack instantly ran toward the group attacking the Shinigami that had the spit on the kid. Jack threw the man down and started to wail on him. When the group turned around to attack Jack, he took the mans zanpakuto and started to attack the other Shinigami with it. He had most of them beaten when one of them instantly appeared in front of him. The man pined Jack against the wall with a sword to his neck. The man told Jack to throw the zanpakuto back to the man he had stolen it form. Jack threw the zanpakuto back when suddenly the man that had him pinned against the wall struck the zanpakuto out of the other mans hand. He said to him,"If this kid can take your zanpakuto away from you then you are not worthy of wearing one."

The guy then looked back at Jack and released him. Jacks eyes were distant and his head was facing down. The man then looked at Jack and told him,"You should not look sad, you were just protecting your friend. In fact you should consider joining the Gotei 13 yourself, you would do well there."

The group of Shinigami left and Jacks friends rushed up to him. They asked Jack what he was thinking attacking a Shinigami like that? All Jack could say was he did not care who it was, he was just protecting his friends. The kids looked shocked and told Jack all about Shinigami and the Gotei 13. By the time they had finished talking, Jack had made up his mind. Jack felt that it was his job to protect more than just the people in the 19th district, and left to go join the Academy immediately.

Division being applied to:
8th Division

Zanpakuto appearance:
The hilt of the sword is 2 ft. long and made of extremely durable wood. It has an extension protruding from the side of the hilt forming a handle. The hilt also has two ribbons twisted around it, one is black and the other is silver, these ribbons extend off the hilt and flay in the wind.

The blade is double edged and 2 ft. 5 in. long.

The cross-guard acts as a resting point for the elbow and bends with my arm.

He wears his zanpakuto on his back with the hilt facing downward and slanting to his right.

Urahara87
06-15-2008, 12:24 AM
Sample mission:
A day at the Academy

Yawning Jack looks at the sky and says,"This stuff is pretty hard, What do you think Chase?"

Chase shakes his head,"I just don't get you Jack."

Jack stands up, "Hey what is that supposed to mean?"

Chase argues, "You know exactly what I mean, you excel at almost everything you do except Kidou."

Jacks mind flashes back to the first time he ever tried Kidou. He almost had a ball of energy in his had when it suddenly exploded. Jack looks down at Chase, "I just don't get it, I don't know why but that's just how it is for me OK."

Chase jokingly shields himself from Jack, "OK OK don't get all defensive jeez."

Jack lays back down and stares back at the sky, "Sorry about that I didn't mean to get mad. I just don't see the point in learning something I'm never going to use. I mean even if I was good at it, I'd still stay away from it."

Chase laughs to himself, "Why? Kidou is like the most beneficial thing you could ever learn, I mean common, wouldn't it be much easier to bound somebody with Kidou and then kill them with a sword?"

Jack ponders to himself for a bit and looks back at Chase, "Yea I guess your right, but in my opinion there's no honor in that. Just imagine your in a fight with another Shinigami and they use a bounding spell on you that you can't break. How would you fell that fight went? Do you think it was fair for you to not be able to use your entire body or what?"

Chase mulls over Jacks question, "OK I see were your coming from but why would I be fighting another Shinigami in the first place?"

Jack shakes his head at chase, "You just don't get it do you?"

Jack begins to walk off into the woods when Chase yells at him, "Your the one that doesn't get it, were fighting Hollows not Shinigami Jack. They don't deserve our honor!"

Jack facing the opposite direction waves his hand goodbye to Chase and heads into the woods. While Chase thinks to himself, 'I don't think anyone can get through to that kid.'

A small hell butterfly flies past Chase and into his Instructors office. Chase follows the butterfly into the office. Looking extremely excited Chase asked the Instructor, "Is that one of those Hell Butterflies that we've been studying about in class?"

The Instructor looks at Chase sharply, "Shut up Chase this is serious, there has been a Hollow spotted in the forest!"

Suddenly Chase remembers seeing Jack walk into the forest, "Sir! Jack just went into the forest a little while ago. Sir, you have to go do something quick."

"Don't you think I know that!" The Instructor sends a message through the Hell Butterfly telling the others that had received the message that there was a student in the forest, "Chase you stay here and tell all the other students to stay out of the forest."

Chase nodes, then he ran out room and begins telling all of the students to stay away from the forest, and that there was a Hollow sighted there. Jack was muttering to himself in the forest, "Stupid Kidou who needs it anyway."

He leans up against a tree and sits down resting his back against the tree then stares up at the sky thinking to himself, 'Oh well it doesn't matter, I can always get the hang of it later.'

Jack begins to close his eyes when he hears a branch on the ground break. Jack instantly gets up and looks around, "Who's there? I heard you there's no point in hiding so come out already!"

A strange voice echoes through the air, "Oops, it looks like I've been spotted, to bad for me, or is it?"

A Hollow shows itself to Jack and begins to walk toward him, "Well, well, what do we have here, a lowly Shinigami hoping to kill me? Wait, you don't even have a sword, now why is that?"

The Hollow starts inching its way toward Jack with a hungry look in its eyes. Jacks eyes widened as fear runs through his entire body, his breathing became heavy and frequent and his gut crunches as he stares at the Hollow, "I don't have a sword with me to beat the likes of you."

Jack leaps at the Hollow only to be easily knocked back by its powerful swing, "Hahaha, don't need a sword to beat me! That's funny kid, I bet you don't even have a sword."

The Hollow begins laughing frantically at Jack and starts to make his way toward him. Jack gets back up on his feet and watches as the Hollow begins to walk toward him. Jack begins to think to himself, 'This is bad, I've got to get out of here right now.'

Jack tries to run off but takes two steps and falls down realizing his leg is badly injured. The Hollow keeps laughing and starts to mock Jack, "Ooh look at me I'm a powerful Shinigami, I don't even need my sword to beat you. Now look at you, you can barley walk and it's all because of that big mouth of yours. You should have ran while you could kid, you might have lived a minuet longer."

Jack scampers back to his feet and begins to limp away from the Hollow and screams, "Somebody, anybody, HELP ME!"

The Hollow finally reaches Jack and then he slams him into a tree. When hit, a small, vivid memory of the mortal world enters Jacks mind. Jacks eyes instantly go blank and his head tilts down, "Your going to make a good appetizer for my meal."

The Hollow picks up jack and is about to drop his body into its mouth when suddenly a bolt of energy strikes the Hollows stomach causing it to drop Jack and fly backward, "Jack are you OK? Jack wake up!"

Jacks Instructor starts to shake Jack and it snaps Jack back to reality, "Thank goodness your OK, don't worry your going to be fine now."

The Instructor faces the Hollow and takes his sword out. The Hollow gets back on its feet and looks at the Instructor, "Another big shot huh? I hope you don't expect to beat me with that puny move you just pulled because it's never going to hit me again."

The Instructor seemed to laugh a little, "Your right, I'm not going to hit you with that move again. The only reason I used such a weak attack was to protect the boy. And now that he's safe I don't have to hold back anymore."

The Hollow seemed to shutter at the Instructors words and move one step back, "Your bluffing, I can tell you that was your best shot."

The Instructor seethes his sword, "If that's what you insist on believing than come at me."

The Hollow begins to charge at the Instructor when the Instructor suddenly points his finger out and says an incantation, "Bolts that eat through flesh, 17 acres, flesh and storm, build together as one."

Jack watched as a blue-ish white lightening shoots from the Instructor fingertips and penetrates the Hollow mask causing the monster to fall to the ground and disintegrate, "That was amazing, why don't you teach us that one in class?"

The Instructor faces Jack and smiles, "Well that's a higher level spell and we can't teach that to you until you get better."

Jack looks at the Instructors hand and than at the spot were the Hollow was, "Guess I was wrong about Kidou huh? It can be useful after all."

The Instructor laughed to himself a little. Jack looked up and asked, "What's so funny?"

The Instructor stopped laughing and said, "I just now figured out a way to get through to the students that think about Kidou the same way you did." The Instructor smiled at Jack and helped him off the ground, while they both began to walk back to the Academy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That's just not fair man, how did you do it?" Chase complained again.

Jack yawns, "How do I do what?"

Chase sits up, "You know exactly what I'm talking about! How did you suddenly get so good at Kidou?"

Jack faces Chase and then looks back up at the sky, "Oh that, well I guess all you have to do is study a bit more than usual and it comes to you."

Chase stands up and looks down at Jack, "It's just not fair, now your good in all the classes. What happened to Kidou's for losers?"

Jack thought to himself, "I never said that, but to answer you question I figured it would be more useful to know it than it would to not."

Chase got mad and stomped off into the forest. Jack yells at chase, "What's wrong with you?."

Chase screams back at Jack, "I'm going to figure out what it was out here that made you so good at Kidou!

alannacho
06-15-2008, 03:18 AM
First off, if you didn't do it before you posted your application, I would like to suggest that you copy and post your application into a word processing software. These programs have tools that will help check your spelling and grammar.

There are a lot of spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes throughout your application. I've noted several run-on sentences. Please go over your application and correct as needed. You may want to have a 3rd party to go over your application and further critique it as well.

As for your sample mission, please write it in paragraph format. You should also be as descriptive as possible. Take a look at applications within the lobby and the death gods section to get an idea of how a mission should look.

MagicalBells
06-15-2008, 12:54 PM
Welcome to the BARPG Jackal. This is a pretty decent start to an application. A few changes I would recommend would be to first proofread the application yourself for any spelling errors.

Also, I would suggest breaking up your sections into separate paragraphs. It makes it much neater and easier to read, as well as helps to increase the flow of the story.

blackheartz
06-16-2008, 05:22 AM
I think you can edit your posts right? No need to re-post your application over and over, just edit the one right at the top.

Urahara87
06-16-2008, 05:36 AM
I think you can edit your posts right? No need to re-post your application over and over, just edit the one right at the top.

Sorry about that I'm used to not being able to do that, I'll fix that right now:o

blackheartz
06-16-2008, 06:02 AM
Paragraphs in your sample should have a further one line spacing. If not, it defeats the purpose of having paragraphs. Quite a few spelling errors you have around your application. Grammar is fine. Your appearance can be further expanded also. Good effort, but you need to improve it more to get into the Eight Division.

Urahara87
06-16-2008, 06:44 AM
Ok I've space out my sample mission more so it's now eaiser to read. And I've touched up on my characters apperance. I've ran my S.M. and my app. through like 3 different Online spell checks and these are the only mispelled words I ever get.

App. : 24 Mispelled

Shinigami- 10 times

Rukongai- 1 time

19th- 3 times

zanpakuto- 7 times

Gotei- 2 times

8th- 1 time

M.S. : 19 Mispelled

Kidou- 9 times

Kidou's- 1 time

Ok- 1 time (Reads it as saying it twice but it's supposed to be like that.)

Jeez- 1 time (Jeez is not a word but people say it from time to time.)

Shinigami- 5 times

Hahaha- 1 time (Hahaha is not a word but it is obvious what it means.)

ish- 1 time (ish is not a word but it is linked with blue. This doesen't pick up with the comp causing ish to be a mispelled word.)

If any of you could find any more mispelled word please let me know beecause I can't get my hands on a better spell check.

MagicalBells
06-17-2008, 03:45 PM
This looks much, much better now, but there are still a few things to change up. I'll point out some exact things for you.

First off, your paragraph spacings are neat and necessary now, but you need to re-affirm who the subject of each paragraph is. Start off each new paragraph with Jackal, rather than "he." Also, a few of your paragraphs continue thoughts that were already in place in the previous one, like the third paragraph of your appearance section. Move the line "The left shoulder of the coat is covered in brown leather straps." to the end of the 2nd paragraph. Look out for this in the rest of your sections as well.

Alright, now I'll move on to the spelling errors. (Or typos as this case seems to call for)

1st paragraph of your appearance section you have:
His hair is usually styled messy and crosses over top of itself.

You need to add the word "the" after "over"

3rd paragraph of appearance section you have:
he has had ever sense he arrived in the soul society.

"sense" should be "since"

1st paragraph of your personality section:
Jackal likes to hid his true personality

"hid" should be "hide"

Still in the 1st paragraph of personality section. Going to tackle 3 sentences at once. I will add the changes in bold.
He usually acts nice to everyone he meets, allowing him to easily make friends. He laughs at all the things he thinks to be funny-- even if nobody else is laughing at it. He tries to make other people feel better about themselves even though he cannot do this for himself.

Now on to the 2nd paragraph of personality section:
Instead he will try to pit that persons friends against them and hurt them emotionally.

"persons" is a possessive word. It should have an apostrophe: "person's"

These are just a few of the small errors from reading through your application. I would suggest going back yourself and seeing if you can find more words that need possession or are typos that a spell check would not find. If you can't find them, I'll be happy to help you out with the rest of the application.

Urahara87
06-17-2008, 04:35 PM
This looks much, much better now, but there are still a few things to change up. I'll point out some exact things for you.

First off, your paragraph spacings are neat and necessary now, but you need to re-affirm who the subject of each paragraph is. Start off each new paragraph with Jackal, rather than "he." Also, a few of your paragraphs continue thoughts that were already in place in the previous one, like the third paragraph of your appearance section. Move the line "The left shoulder of the coat is covered in brown leather straps." to the end of the 2nd paragraph. Look out for this in the rest of your sections as well.

Alright, now I'll move on to the spelling errors. (Or typos as this case seems to call for)

1st paragraph of your appearance section you have:


You need to add the word "the" after "over"

3rd paragraph of appearance section you have:


"sense" should be "since"

1st paragraph of your personality section:


"hid" should be "hide"

Still in the 1st paragraph of personality section. Going to tackle 3 sentences at once. I will add the changes in bold.


Now on to the 2nd paragraph of personality section:


"persons" is a possessive word. It should have an apostrophe: "person's"

These are just a few of the small errors from reading through your application. I would suggest going back yourself and seeing if you can find more words that need possession or are typos that a spell check would not find. If you can't find them, I'll be happy to help you out with the rest of the application.

Thanks for the help I'll try to go throught it again and look specificly for them this time. Thank you again I apreciate you help very much