[Application] Ryouichi <12th Divsion>

[zabimaru_08]

Name: Ryouichi (Ryou - good/clear. Ichi - one.) Most call him Ryou or Ryo for short.


Age: At Death - 11 years old. Current age in Soul Society - 35


Appearance: He’s slim and a little shorter than the average height for his age. At first glance his general appearance seems no different from any other 11 year old boy. He’s a Caucasian with short dark hair. His eyes are a hazel/brown colour that are filled with both loneliness and determination. He masks this well with a cheeky grin that often brings comfort to those around him. He also carries a lucky charm around his right wrist. It’s a short and thin silver chain with a small silver pendant of a bat hanging from it. He would give his life to stop anyone taking it from him, though it isn‘t worth even the smallest amount of money. If there is a time he is not in his standard shinigami uniform, he’s usually seen wearing dark green combats with a plain white or blue t-shirt.


Personality: Ryous mind is split into two halves. One half being the mind of a hyperactive child, the other the mind of a patient and well-disciplined warrior. He is full of mixed emotions and this plays a key part in his personality. He is sometimes full of laughter and happiness, pulling pranks and teasing people at every opportunity. However he can quickly turn angry or depressed within the blink of an eye. He is a kind person who loves to help others, and is extremely loyal to those he considers friends. He occasionally enjoys sitting in a tree alone, a small distance from everyone else, but he also loves having his presence known, especially by those he admires and holds respect for. Ryou is a strong believer in justice, and despises the thought of watching an innocent person being harmed. Although he can seem incredibly lazy at times, deep down he longs to prove himself as being a strong shinigami, and to overcome all the challenges he faces. His determination overshadows any feeling of doubt inside his mind.


Biography: In the real world Ryou grew up with a small group of friends. He was popular with most of his classmates but was also bullied from time to time. This was usually by the children who were slightly older than him. Although he never once backed down from the onslaught of name-calling and random fights. The bullies would never give up. Aside from that he lived a happy life and in comparison to most he had quite a normal life as well.

Ryou died in a car accident along with his parents. His mother and father died instantly. Ryou died a few hours after arriving at the hospital. The only survivor of this accident was his older sister - Mayu.

Upon entering Soul Society Ryou was sent to live with a family in the 23rd district of rukongai. When he arrived at his new home he knocked on the door feeling more than nervous at having to join a family he knew nothing about. When the door opened his eyes flooded with amazement. Ryou leapt into the arms of his mother, his stomach churning with mixed emotions. Every day his mother would remind him how lucky they were to find each other again and how rare it was for such an event to happen within S.S.

Only a year after being reunited with his mother and meeting his newly adopted (older) brother, both of them were killed by thugs from the 61st district who were wanted criminals on the run. Ryou witnessed the deaths of both his mother and new brother who he loved with all his heart. He spent 7 months living rough in various districts. Stealing food when he didn’t have the money to buy some and learning Zanjutsu from watching thugs fight and reading books (which he also stole). After those 7 months he met a shinigami who was patrolling the various districts and followed him every where. Eventually the shinigami grew tired of his new ‘shadow’ and acknowledged Ryous determination to become stronger and helped him become a recruit of the Gotei 13.


Division being applied to: 12th Division


Zanpakuto appearance: Ryou has a zanpakuto that is 27 inches long, It is shorter than the average katana (because he is short himself being only 11). The hilt is green and the blade silver. The blade looks like it has been polished and stored in a museum. The sheathe is the same shade of green as the hilt and carries 3 Kanji symbols on both sides that are stitched on in black. The majority of the time he holds his zanpakuto with the normal grip usually in his right hand if not both. Every now and then he will hold it the opposite way, with the blade running away from his little finger (pinky).

Although Ryou prefers to use Kidou combined with Hohou(shunpo) he is also efficient in Zanjutsu.

[zabimaru_08]

Sample mission:

Ryou yawned as he stepped outside. Closing the door behind him he could see his older brother and mother waiting for him in the distance. As he was running towards them he noticed the sky was clear as always. Every Thursday they went to the market and every Thursday the sky was clear and the air was cool. As soon as he caught up with his mother and older brother he could tell his mother had something on her mind.

“Did you remember to lock the door?” she asked.

Ryou sighed, “Yes, I remembered.” he handed his mother the keys and noticed his older brother had started walking ahead of himself and his mother.

Ryou walked next to his mother with his brother only a few feet ahead of them. Ryou squinted his eyes at the incandescent sun shining down on them. It had just started to rise so was still quite low. Ryou started to walk faster. The sand covered ground burning beneath his feet, he couldn’t wait to get to the market where all the paths were properly paved. They weren’t too far from the market when Ryou decided to check his money. He did this for two reasons, the first to remind himself just how much he had and the second, to grab his mothers attention. Trying to ’impress’ her with the amount he had saved up. She would always remind him of how good his father was with saving money. Ryou fumbled around in his pockets looking for the money. He was wearing green combats that had several different pockets on them. He sighed and let out a groan that notified his mother that something was wrong.

“What’s wrong Ryo?” she asked in a comforting tone that seemed to make Ryou more embarrassed than anything else.

He looked at her shyly “I forgot to bring all the money I saved up.”

His mother didn’t say a word she just smiled and put her arm around him. As much as this comforted Ryou he couldn’t help feeling that he had let his mother down with such a little thing.

When they reached the market his older brother went his own way and Ryou followed his mother as she bought the necessities. A couple of hours later and they had just about finished all of the shopping. Ryou was both thirsty and tired from all the walking. That sun he had watched rise only a couple of hours ago seemed like it was twice as large and dispersing twice as much heat. He smiled as his mother suggested stopping for a little while so everyone could rest. He began to wonder if she was tired herself or if she just knew how tired he was. There was very few things Ryou hated in life but being a burden was one of them, and he despised the thought of his mother and older brother only stopping to rest because he was tired.

As they sat down Ryou began to take in his surroundings. He was enjoying watching everyone pass and making up stories in his head of what their life would have been like before they died. Most of the people that passed seemed quite normal and boring to him but he was both puzzled and intrigued when a young woman and a slightly older man stopped at one of the market stalls across from where he was sitting.

The man seemed like a giant to Ryou, he guessed he must have been just under 7ft tall. His long silver pony tail was interrupted only by one streak of blue at the right side of his head. Although he was tall he was very slim and his fingers seemed very thin. The woman on the other hand was shorter, around the same height as Ryous mother. She had brown hair that flowed down past her shoulders. She seemed physically fit and her body was perfectly shaped. Her eyes were a crystal blue that seemed to shine brighter than the sun itself. Ryou thought she was beautiful and this was confirmed by his drooling brother. Although these two people seemed to be completely different from each other they had one thing in common. They both wore a black robe that carried a katana at their side.

Ryou tugged on his mothers clothing but kept his eyes fixated on the women and man in front of him.

His mother snapped “What is it? I’m trying to get you something to drink.”

Ryou seemed both surprised and a little frightened by his mothers response. He could tell he shouldn’t have interrupted her. “Sorry.” he looked at her with a puppy dog - like expression. Then continued “I just wanted to know who those people are. The ones with the katanas”

His mother glanced at the two people and looked back at Ryou who was absorbed in the moment and had returned to watching the two people with keen interest.

“They’re called shinigami.” his mother replied. This time with a softer tone of voice.

“Shinigami? Why are they carrying katanas?” he asked inquisitively.

“A lot of people carry swords here. You know that. Now stop staring and drink this.” His mother handed him a fruit juice that was in a glass bottle.

He turned to face his mother and started to drink the fruit juice. He contributed to all the conversations his brother and his mother made but his mind was still on these mysterious shinigami.

Ryou was feeling refreshed as he started to walk home with his mother next to him and brother slightly ahead again. Ryou had his head down as he kicked a ball of paper at his feet while he walked, he had managed to convince his mother to buy him another fruit juice and was sipping from the glass bottle occasionally as well. The shinigami were still in his mind. He couldn’t get them out of his head no matter how hard he tried. He thought back to earlier on when he was sitting down and had first noticed him. He realised he didn’t see them walk up to the stall or cross his line of sight at all. They were like shadows that had formed from the blistering sun and appeared in front on him without making a sound.

His reminiscence on the day was interrupted when he heard a short scream escape from his mothers mouth. He looked up at her and followed the direction of her eyes to his brother who was still ahead of them. His legs began to shake as his mother reached out and put her left arm across him as if shielding him from an attack. He only noticed this because her arm was in front of him, he was looking straight ahead at his brother who had been punched in the mouth by one of the two thugs standing over him. Ryou assumed they had jumped out and landed a lucky hit as his brother knew various forms of martial arts and was efficient in all of them. The thugs proceeded to kick and punch Ryous brother as he lay on the floor. Ryous mother ran over and pulled one of them off. The other one grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground.

Ryou could feel his legs shaking and his hands trembling. The thugs then kicked his mother again when she refused to hand over the various items she had bought at the market. Ryou clenched his left fist and grasped onto the glass bottle his fruit just was in with his right. He ran towards the thugs letting out a loud scream. He threw the bottle at one of them and it smashed into a thousand pieces leaving cuts all over their face. He then jumped and as he fell to the ground slammed his right foot into the other thugs left shin and his left foot into the left knee, instantly breaking the thugs leg.

The first thug had cleared most of the glass off his face and grabbed Ryou. Ryou raised his arms to defend himself and closed his eyes. He could feel the punch hitting him in the face over and over before it even happened. But before it could happen he heard his mother scream again. Ryou opened his eyes to find his brother had tried to attack the thug and had been stabbed with a small combat knife. It had been plunged through his heart. Ryou fell to the ground as the thug let go of him. He tried to stand up but his legs wouldn’t stop shaking, they didn’t have any strength in them. He shuffled a few metres back using just his hands and butt. Tears of frustration and anguish streamed down his cheeks as he watched his mothers throat being cut. The blood stained the grass around them. The world seemed to lose all colour as he was engulfed in a wave of heartache and sorrow. One of the thugs helped the other walk as they escaped. Taking with them some of the items from the market. Ryou sat next to his mother and brother quietly for a moment. He eventually buried his head in his mothers chest and held onto her as his tears soaked her clothes.

When he heard a stranger crying out for help he looked up to find 4 people in the distance staring with blank faces at the two corpses lying in a pool of blood and tears. Ryou jumped up onto his feet and ran. Never stopping, never looking back.

[MagicalBells]

Welcome to the BARPG, Ryou. First off, I'd like to say that your application is fairly well done for a first attempt. Your spelling and grammar are very good, though I do notice a few errors with punctuation and grammar when reading through it.

I'll start with your appearance section. It's very well done; the description is exceptional. However, here and in a few other areas of the application, I do notice a general lack of the use of commas. Commas offer that very important pause that change the entire meaning of a sentence or keep it from becoming a run-on, so try to put more emphasis on locating exactly where a comma should go.

For instance: It’s a short and thin silver chain with a small silver pendant of a bat hanging from it, although he would give his life to stop anyone taking it from him it isn‘t worth even the smallest amount of money. If there is a time he is not in his standard shinigami uniform he’s usually seen wearing dark green combats with a plain white or blue t-shirt.

This is what you have at the end of the paragraph. It would look much better with just a few tweaks and the addition of a punctuation mark where it is necessary:

It’s a short and thin silver chain with a small silver pendant of a bat hanging from it. He would give his life to stop anyone taking it from him, though it isn‘t worth even the smallest amount of money. If there is a time he is not in his standard shinigami uniform, he’s usually seen wearing dark green combats with a plain white or blue t-shirt.

Personality: This section is adequate, but I feel as though it could be stronger. It is up to you if you wish to add more, and I would suggest it, but you probably would not have to if you do not want to.

I also have a little question about your Biography. You said Ryou meets his mother when he reaches Rukongai, but 99.99% of souls do not retain their memories from when they were alive, so it's highly unlikely that he would know it was his real mother if that is the case. Also, you may want to include something about how Ryou died in there, as well, unless you intend to make a mission in the future about that topic and do not want to reveal it.

One final thing to patch up for now: Sample Mission. In your sample mission, I noticed you use dialogue. When putting something in quotes, just remember to capitalize the first letter after the left quote every time, like so:
"Can you play tennis with me tomorrow?" rather than

"can you play tennis with me tomorrow?"

Other than that, you have a pretty fine application. I can help you locate more areas that may need a slight touch-up later on after you take into consideration the changes I have suggested.

[zabimaru_08]

Welcome to the BARPG, Ryou. First off, I'd like to say that your application is fairly well done for a first attempt. Your spelling and grammar are very good, though I do notice a few errors with punctuation and grammar when reading through it.

I'll start with your appearance section. It's very well done; the description is exceptional. However, here and in a few other areas of the application, I do notice a general lack of the use of commas. Commas offer that very important pause that change the entire meaning of a sentence or keep it from becoming a run-on, so try to put more emphasis on locating exactly where a comma should go.

For instance:

This is what you have at the end of the paragraph. It would look much better with just a few tweaks and the addition of a punctuation mark where it is necessary:



Personality: This section is adequate, but I feel as though it could be stronger. It is up to you if you wish to add more, and I would suggest it, but you probably would not have to if you do not want to.

I also have a little question about your Biography. You said Ryou meets his mother when he reaches Rukongai, but 99.99% of souls do not retain their memories from when they were alive, so it's highly unlikely that he would know it was his real mother if that is the case. Also, you may want to include something about how Ryou died in there, as well, unless you intend to make a mission in the future about that topic and do not want to reveal it.

One final thing to patch up for now: Sample Mission. In your sample mission, I noticed you use dialogue. When putting something in quotes, just remember to capitalize the first letter after the left quote every time, like so:
"Can you play tennis with me tomorrow?" rather than

"can you play tennis with me tomorrow?"

Other than that, you have a pretty fine application. I can help you locate more areas that may need a slight touch-up later on after you take into consideration the changes I have suggested.

thanks for your help it's really appreciated.

I actually had this character planned out in my head, and when i went to write it down i forgot a lot of the information i wanted to put in it. Then after posting my APP i started to remember parts i had msised out, so i want to add them in for my final app.


Thanks for correcting my punctuation as well.

As for your question about Ryou. I know it is rare for a soul to remember their past life but that doesn't mean it can't happen. And plus i did mention it was when he first entered soul society that he was reacquainted with his mother, and i was under the assumption that souls only forgot their past lifes as they aged. For example remember the episode of bleach where chad helps a small bird that turns out to be a boy/soul in the real world. Then in the next season chad meets him again in S.S, and the boy remembers chad and his family but mentions how rare it is too meet with your family and how you're usually adopted. (point being he still remembers them)

Anyway i just thought this story/background info would be a good start to seperating my character from the others.

[alannacho]

Your application is a good start, Ryou. Like Ren(MB) stated, there are a few grammar/punctuation errors throughout the application that can be taken care of easily. One of the suggestions I like to make is to type up your application in a word processing program and run the tools to check for spelling, grammar, and punctuation. It also helps to have a 3rd party to read over it to catch errors and critique it further.

I would like to see more added to the main application, more particularly the personality and biography. Adding more while keeping some things hidden can add a sense of mystery to your character that will keep others wanting to know more. I hope a few suggestions help. :D

[zabimaru_08]

Thanks Lolo-sama.

I made a few changes to the personality and biography. Then i checked the punctuation in all of it so hopefully it's better.

[MagicalBells]

Your appearance section is looking much better at this point.

The personality still has a few punctuality errors. You need a comma after "child" on the first line. Well-disciplined should have a hyphen. Also, you start off many sentences with the word "but." This isn't a very recommended use of grammar. I would suggest combining both sentences that you begin with "but" with a comma with the ones before it.

Otherwise, your biography is much improved with the added descriptions, though you still need a bit of help with punctuation. For instance, a comma is required after "Upon entering Soul Society,". I haven't had a change to critique your sample mission yet, but once you make the changes to your personality I should be able to assist you better.

[zabimaru_08]

Can someone change my thread title to "12th division" instead of 6th?

Thanks in advance.