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Rayth Vincent
10-06-2008, 08:41 AM
Name: Rayth Vincent

Gender: Male

Age:

Age at Death: 21

Current Age in Soul Society: 131

Appearance:

Rayth stands about 5'11'' tall, and he has a well-muscled, sinewy build. His skin is weathered from years of nomadic travel, and laced with scars from innumerable skirmishes and battles.

His hazel eyes pierce anyone he lays them on, and his intent reeks of determination and is infused with a passionate glare. The warmth from them to his allies is only matched by the steely cold gaze he lays on his enemies.

Rayth's hair is kept untidy, and the dirty-blonde colored mess is kept to a reasonable length, yet a bit shaggy at times and his smile shines enough to melt the sun... The times it's let loose.

He wears jeans, faded and patched with dirt and distressed from hard-times, and the top half of his uniform is kept tight to his body, with the sleeves cuffed and collar kept tight, like a motorcycle jacket.

The bottom half hides most of his jeans and boots, yet is kept tight enough to not impede any type of movements or trip him up in battle.

A tattoo of a gothic knight posed with his sword goes up the left side of his body -- from hip to rib-cage -- and underneath lie the words "About Us Is The Story Told".

Personality:

Rayth generally keeps to himself, yet likes the company of others, when they are around.

He will gravitate towards solace and silence and welcomes others into his world warmly and fondly, and entertains with his presence and wit, as well as with battle stories and general insight.

Although Rayth is close to his friends and comrades, those who manage to get on his bad-side are dealt with viciously, and with no remorse... However, Rayth tries his best to keep that list short... Either reckonciled or deceased.

His lust for life leads him to yearn for the passionate few, and to surround himself with them. This means his few close friends are successful, in life and in battle, and enjoy the finer things in life -- such as women, a challenge, and a battle to fight.

He joined the 13 Court Squads to get stronger, and he carries this mindset with him at all times. Rayth is an apt student and pupil, and listens to his superiors judiciously.

Biography:

Brief:

Rayth doesn't remember where he came from... Or doesn't care to tell. All anyone knows is that he wandered from section to section, from slum to slum, for years now... Challenging anyone who dared to get in his way.

His charasmatic character garnered him attention, and his quick tounge and quicker blade forged him a reputation.

Although his mind was at ease with his death, the limits of his strength bothered him.

Night after night he heard an inner voice inside him -- inside his sword -- calling out to him. Not in words, but in a craving to be a goliath, the most dominant warrior the Shinigami had ever seen.

Something dark lies deep beneath his eyes, and his smile infectiously corrupts at the same time it warms.

All Rayth knows is that he was born in Soul Society alone and weak... And that the path ahead of him requires him to be a testament to his primal instinct for battle.

Division applying to: 11th Division

Zanpakutou:

Rayth's zanpakutou hangs from a white cord tied around his waist. It's sheath shines in the sunlight, a pure white alabaster, and the etching / engravings on the side flicker with a silver tint with each of Rayth's gaping steps.

His Zanpakutou is a katana, roughly three feet long in the blade, and another foot in the hilt. It's size doesn't bother Rayth in the least, as his foot movements towards and backwards, in combination with his large, arcing slices cooperate in order to make his movements and strikes fluid and effortless.

Nevermind the sheer brutal punch they pack.

The blade is wrapped in an aged white denim, soft to the point of cloth and strong enough no blade can slice through. From the pommel hangs three black feathers, from a species of bird no-one has been able to identify. Each is roughly 6 inches in length and 2 in width.

Rayth's Zanpakutou's blade is a standard silver color, with engravings down the blade in a language older than man and unreadable by anyone he's met.

Part of Rayth's quest lies in the mantra scribbled into his Zanpakutou... Of that much, he's sure.

The tsuba is an 8 sided star, pointing out from the sword and with no circle to join the tips. Each point is a feather, jutting outwards, and rippling with detail.

blankdoor
10-06-2008, 10:32 PM
Hey they’re Rayth Vincent, thank you for showing an interest in BARPG, also I must say this is a very good first attempt, but there are still a few things we need to discuss.

I have to say you’re appearance and personality are quiet well written and there is nothing much to say.

Biography:

Well I have fount one problem with this part of your application, which is as follows,


Night after night he heard an inner voice inside him -- inside his sword -- calling out to him. Not in words, but in a craving to be a goliath, the most dominant warrior the Shinigami had ever seen.



You will not be able to hear an inner voice, as you can only do this once you have achieved 1000 SLP. Also I would like you to try and expand on this as you have spent 131 years in SS.

Division:

Division applying to: 11th Division --or--- 12th Division
Depends on whether I want melee or elemental with my Zanpakutou down the road, I guess.

I would suggest you make this decision as soon as possible, (even though reading you character leads him to be suited for 11th division in my opinion). Also you will be able to have an elemental Zanpakuto regardless of what division you choose, even if it may not be common in the 11th division.


Finally I noticed this in your application, Gotei(?) 13 the Gotei 13 is the 13 Court Guard Squads. Finally I await your sample mission and I will critique it once it has been posted.

Rayth Vincent
10-06-2008, 11:00 PM
Please excuses the lack of paragraphs... It's how my writing style has evolved.

The writing I do for work requires short paragraphs, to keep readership high... 1-2 sentences tops, so I'm going to stick with that...

...Because it best gets across what I'm trying to convey, and keeps people reading, nothing more. :)
----------
Sample Mission (1003 Words):

Rayth groaned and stretched in the sun-light pouring over his shoulders, chest and back. The scars on his arms glowed in the Summer rays and his Zanpakutou... laying by his side, on the grass... flickered as the breeze moved it side to side, ever so gently.

The alabaster sheath pulsed with a warmth always foreign to Rayth, yet it never left his side... Never was far from his side.

As he pressed his palm against the soil, and hoisted himself up onto his feet, his mind wandered to his time in Soul Society so far.

The memories flew past, unattached, misformed, mere wisps of intent and cloudy pictures.

With graduation only hours ahead of him, Rayth felt a quiet remorse and firey dedication to his new-found passion and calling.

His new-found comrades and teachers welcomed Rayth with a warmth he had never found in his 100 years wandering aimlessly around Soul Society.

He finally found men and women as dedicated and passionate about gaining strength as him. Rayth excelled in Zanjutsu training, and his Houhou was strong... Due to his years of on-the-prowl living and bare-knuckles brawling.

Yet again, his mind wavered, the strong warmth of the breeze coaxing him to daydream, and he wandered off to the first thing he rememberred.

The first day of his life in Soul Society, he awoke laying on a muddy dirt path, drenched in dew-drops and leftover rainfall, and awash with pellets of sand and dirt.

The rocks shone like steel in the sun, and the trees swayed gently while whispers seemed far-off from Rayth... Whispers from a market nearby, whispers of children, women, men, animals...

Getting closer, voices echoed further on the path, and a cool Autumn breeze washed over his skin, giving his bare upper-body chills and shivering goosebumps.

His eyes, grey and reddened with his new awakening, tried to focus on objects in the distance. Cloudy wisps began to take shape.

Sitting up, he attempted to shake off the mess and fog cluttering his head while three shadowy silhouettes approached him, directly.

The young Shinigami approached Rayth head-on... Locking eyes with the newly immigrated man and scowling at his disheveled appearance.

"Beggars... Peasants...And Overall Trash" The Shinigami coweled at Rayth, drawing back a leg to strike him dead-on in the chest.

As he felt the Shinigami's reiatsu harden, a fire in Rayth's soul flared up and pulsed adrenaline... Coursing through his muscles and an animal rage took over him, speeding his movements and bolstering his strength.

Flashes of steel, ripping of flesh and the splatter of blood on the trees around them muffle the screams and groans of three fallen soldiers... And one wounded animal scampers up and clears his thoughts.

Seconds later, Rayth was on his feet, gripping the worn white denim around the dead Shinigami's zanpakutou's hilt. The blood dripping viciously to splatter the sand below it.

Hands washed in blood, gripping his new-found weapon, Rayth flicked the drops off, sheathed the blade, and turned to begin his trek.

For the first time... He felt the hunger inside him... The need for strength... For power... For invincibility.

Years passed, and Rayth wandered... The back of his mind haunted with the nights he dozed lightly in order to avoid capture, the days he scrounged for money and food, and the years passed with naught but battle, chase and fleeing.

Feasting on nothing but stale bread, water, and whatever he could steal off others... He nearly forgot he was human. The animal side began to take over and he attracted more and more attention from Shinigami.

One after another, they came after him... And Rayth did his best to leave them alive when possible. His thoughts and feelings became numb and ragged.

The only thing he ever felt was the animal growling inside.

The only ever-present emotion Rayth had was a terminal hunger... A drive to be stronger, to never have to run again.

And so Rayth fell back to his first week in the Academy, and the Shinigami Captain that brought him there... To his new-found family.

It was a fall-evening, and the straw ripping into his back itched until it was near impossible to sleep.

All he remembered was being awoken brutally, his eyes pierced by the glare of the tip a sword. Rayth stared down the flat back of the blade to lock eyes with this giant of a man, draped in an ivory mantle.

"It's about time we found you..." The Captain said.

Even though Rayth's primal instincts yelled and scorned him to stand and fight, the pressure and weight of the reiatsu around him were smothering.

His breaths became labored and shallow, his pulse pounded through his head, and sweat began to seep through the pores of his skin.

"...And I have a proposition for you." The Captain finished.

He was given a choice... Become an ally, and ...finally... stop being hunted...

...Or die on his back in the middle of an alleyway, covered in straw and whatever the dogs left behind.

Rayth's choice was crystal clear, and one that cemented his future forever.

His first steps towards the ceremony brought the cacophony of sound into focus, and it ruptured his dream, his memory.

He threw his hair back, his hazel eyes shining with a focused passion, and a warm, dominant sparkle as he adjusted his Shikashio to fit snugly around his broad shoulders and flared back.

Reaching around to play with the feathers on the pommel, Rayth proudly cinched the cord that held his Zanpakutou around his waist, and sauntered towards his new allies, his new adventures... and... his new enemies.

He finally found a place he belonged, and he vowed to never dishonor his division, his captain, or his friends.

With a bounce in his step and the smack of his skin against the palm of a grinning man the same age as him, he felt home.

And the hunger was still there, jumping for joy at the power he now stared in the face of.

Cyclonus_Zaero
10-07-2008, 04:27 PM
A good read in your sample mission. You may want to consider using paragraphs as it will lead to a better grade when the time comes and you start posting missions (1 Paragraph being comprised of 3-4 Sentances). I do believe I understand what you mean by that voice now though, is the hunger you spoke of before his drive to get stronger given a personality? Also I like how well you conveyed the emotion in your writing.

-Captain Cyclonus Zaero
12th Division Captain

Rayth Vincent
10-07-2008, 04:53 PM
Thanks :)

Should I post a final? (With some edits, of course)

Cyclonus_Zaero
10-07-2008, 04:58 PM
Yes, now would be an appropriate time for a Final with the edits naturally. :p

-Capt. Z