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[application] Tempest Winds <7th division> - BleachAnime.org Forums

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Tempest Winds
10-16-2008, 06:14 PM
Name: Tempest, Winds

Age: 16 at death, 18 at S.S.

Division applying for: 7th

Personality:
A very sensitive person, but still maintains to keep a good composure. He usually spends time alone to keep from letting himself fall to his emotions. He's very serious, however, and is a force to be reckoned with dispite his immediate wimpiness. He trains every day in the ways of not only fist fighting, but swordsplay. Even without his zanpakuto, he's not to be underestimated. Too bad he's always worried about breaking his opponent....

Physical Appearance:
Quazi-long, dark brown hair hangs over his left eye. He doesn't look that strong. In fact, one would normally be afraid of breaking his bones just by looking at him. But those bones are devastatingly hard, and can compare easilly to the muscles of many that belong to the 11th division. His sandles are black. His eyes, grey. He has somewhat of a big nose, and a wicked grin that always seems to fall upon him upon the start of a battle. But normally, his face remains solemn, and bleak... White skinned, and pale.

Division:
7th division

Zanpakuto:
A small zanpakuto of about 3 ft. in length, but different than most. The handle is silver, a blue crystal orb ath the end of the hilt, opposite of the blade. The blade itself is white, and has a small notch on the end of it. The guard is shaped like a four point star, and seems to be made of a blue glass. But apparently, it's almost if not more durable, than steel.

Biography:
The kid was bullied by stronger kids in high school, due to the fact he was such an easy target. One day they went too far, and slaughtered him on the pavement, pushing him into the street, where a semi ran him over. (I plan to reveal more about this rp'ing.) But somehow, upon arriving at Soul society, he was in a Soul Reaper uniform. Apparently, all those years of being bullied slowly raised the anger and hate inside him, awakening his true spiritual potential. He eventually learned how to use his 'powers', and trained every day, waiting until the moment everyone would realize his true potential, as a seated soul reaper...

Speciality:
-Hakuda :: Hand-to-hand melee combat
-Hohou :: Speed and reaction time

Demon Magic:
N/A

Sample Chapter:
The air was warm, and humid. The wind blew softly through Tempest's thick hair. He was waiting for his opponent. He had found a small boy that day being tortured by an 11th division grunt. He was gonna show him his place, whatever the cause. This was where they would meet, to start the fight. Yes, Tempest goofed up, and in his moment of anger, challenged the man to a duel. It was to be held outside the entrance to his house in the city. The man, slowly approached over the horizon.

Looking up, Tempest grabbed his Zanpakuto, and unsheathed it, slowly. Perhaps he should've done it faster. Instantly, the man was above him, bringing down his sword. But when the sword landed, Tempest was nowhere to be seen. The man looked up, only to be shoved back to the ground by a knee-kick to the temple. Tempest had left his zanpakuto at his doorstep, as though he didn't even need it! The man, still on the ground, picked up a rock and threw it at Tempest. Crouching to avoid the rock, Tempest ran up, sweeping his fist along the ground, uppercutting the man back onto his feet. As Tempest did so, he did a backflip, drop kicking the man in mid air. Landing on his feet, Tempest swooped in, and threw a straight right into the man's gut, followed by another uppercut.

The man had found his bearings, and tried to slice tempest horizontally, but Tempest jumped over it, and dropped his heel behind the guy's head, slamming it into the dirt, knocked out. Tempest walked back to his house, grabbing his zanpakuto, and entering, closing the door behind him. "Too slow...", he sighed

Suddenly, a hand grabbed the back of his kimono and pulled him back out.
"What'd you do to our boss!?"
"Uhm...boss?"
Tempest looked on to reveal at least ten people, all soul reapers. But they were lower class, like him. Chances are they didn't even know their swords' names yet. But yet again, neither did he. They rushed at him, screaming. Lower class people from the eleventh division. Boy, did he pick the wrong fight.

He ducked to avoid the first slash, and threw his weight into a punch to the mans' chin, sending him flying back. One of them ran up and grabbed Tempest from behind, as another rushed in and punched him in the gut. Tempest winced, and threw himself into a forward roll, smacking the guy in front with the guy behind. Another ran up with a relatively small sword, but when Tempest tried to dodge, it was apparently fast. It made a gash clean through his face, in between the eyes and across his nose.

The others watched as the two fought. Tempets had thrown his zanpakuto into the house. There'd be no way of getting to it. Jumping over the blade, Tempest spun into an ariel kick, slamming his heel into the mans' face, knocking him out instantaneously. The others took a step back as Tempest wiped the blood from his face, and faced them. Screaming, they ran away. Tempest walked back to the house, and slammed the door behind him. Perhaps he would have fit better into the eleventh division, or have made a good assassin instead? Who knew. He threw himself onto the couch, and went to sleep.

blankdoor
10-16-2008, 11:12 PM
Hello Tempest Winds, thank you for wanting to re-join B.A.R.P.G, but a few things have changed with the application process whilst you have been out of the loop.

One major thing I have noticed through out your App is that when writing you do this:

“Personality:
A very sensitive person, but still maintains to keep…”

“Zanpakuto:
A small Zanpakuto of about 3 ft. in length…”

This would be better written as:

Tempest’s very sensitive person, but still maintains to keep…

Age:

Now on to the finner details, starting with your age:

Age: 16 at death, 18 at S.S.

We now have a rule, which states “…we ask that you please have your age in soul society exceed that of your death by at least 10 to 15 years.”

Personality/Physical Appearance/Biography:

All of these areas need expanding, something I have picked up since joining here is the quote “Detail, detail, detail.” I have noticed that you use of English is at an acceptable level, but still using a word processor or having some one from outside of BA to read your App is always a good idea.

Speciality:

This now is completely irrelevant, as we no longer have this in the App system, so you can delete this:

Speciality:
-Hakuda :: Hand-to-hand melee combat
-Hohou :: Speed and reaction time

Demon Magic:
N/A

Sample chapter:

Lastly your sample chapter is too short, as we have changed the word count to a minimum of 1000 words for your sample chapter, so please could you edit or re-write your current sample chapter to comply with this.

Please make these changes and I will be happy to re-read your application and comment on any other mistakes

Also if you have any questions please either get skype (which we advise you to do once joining BARPG anyway) or PM me.

Blankdoor

Tempest Winds
10-17-2008, 03:53 AM
Name: Tempest, Winds

Age:
16 at death, 26 at S.S.

Division applying for:
7th

Personality:
Tempest is a very sensitive person, but still maintains to keep a good composure. He usually spends time alone to keep from letting himself fall to his emotions. He's very serious, however, and is a force to be reckoned with dispite his immediate wimpiness. He trains every day in the ways of not only fist fighting, but swords play. Even without his zanpakuto, he's not to be underestimated. Too bad he's always worried about breaking his opponent....

Physical Appearance:
Quazi-long, dark brown hair hangs over his left eye. He doesn't look that strong. In fact, one would normally be afraid of breaking his bones just by looking at him. But those bones are devastatingly hard, and can compare easily to the muscles of many that belong to the 11th division. His sandals are black. His eyes, grey. He has somewhat of a big nose, and a wicked grin that always seems to fall upon him upon the start of a battle. But normally, his face remains solemn, and bleak... He’s white skinned, and pale.

Zanpakuto:
His sword is a small zanpakuto of about 3 ft. in length, but different than most. The handle is silver, a blue crystal orb at the end of the hilt, opposite of the blade. The blade itself is white, and has a small notch on the end of it. The guard is shaped like a four point star, and seems to be made of a blue glass. But apparently it's almost, if not more durable, than steel.

Biography:
The kid was bullied by stronger kids in high school, due to the fact he was such an easy target. One day they went too far, and slaughtered him on the pavement, pushing him into the street, where a semi ran him over. (I plan to reveal more about this rp'ing.) But somehow, upon arriving at Soul society, he was in a Soul Reaper uniform. Apparently, all those years of being bullied slowly raised the anger and hate inside him, awakening his true spiritual potential. He eventually learned how to use his 'powers', and trained every day, waiting until the moment everyone would realize his true potential, as a seated soul reaper...

Sample story
The air was warm, and humid. The wind blew softly through Tempest's thick hair. He was waiting for his opponent. He had found a small boy that day being tortured by an 11th division grunt. He was gonna show him his place, whatever the cause. This was where they would meet, to start the fight. Yes, Tempest goofed up, and in his moment of anger, challenged the man to a duel. It was to be held outside the entrance to his house in the city. The man, slowly approached over the horizon.

Looking up, Tempest grabbed his Zanpakuto, and unsheathed it, slowly. Perhaps he should've done it faster. Instantly, the man was above him, bringing down his sword. But when the sword landed, Tempest was nowhere to be seen. The man looked up, only to be shoved back to the ground by a knee-kick to the temple. Tempest had left his zanpakuto at his doorstep, as though he didn't even need it! The man, still on the ground, picked up a rock and threw it at Tempest. Crouching to avoid the rock, Tempest ran up, sweeping his fist along the ground, uppercutting the man back onto his feet. As Tempest did so, he did a backflip, drop kicking the man in mid air. Landing on his feet, Tempest swooped in, and threw a straight right into the man's gut, followed by another uppercut.

The man had found his bearings, and tried to slice tempest horizontally, but Tempest jumped over it, and dropped his heel behind the guy's head, slamming it into the dirt, knocked out. Tempest walked back to his house, grabbing his zanpakuto, and entering, closing the door behind him. "Too slow...", he sighed.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed the back of his kimono and pulled him back out.
"What'd you do to our boss!?"
"Uhm...boss?"
Tempest looked on to reveal at least ten people, all soul reapers. But they were lower class, like him. Chances are they didn't even know their swords' names yet. But yet again, neither did he. They rushed at him, screaming. Lower class people from the eleventh division… Boy, did he pick the wrong fight.

A man ran at Tempest from the left. An average build, an easy first win. The man reached to his hip to unsheathe his sword, only to have Tempest lay his left hand on top of the hilt, and throw a punch clean into the man’s throat. The man choked, and fell to his knees. Tempest kicked him in the Temple and quickly turned to face his next target. Two men rushed at him, swords drawn. Tempest ran at them, and spun out of the way immediately, via the man to his left. The guy on the right swung at him, only to carve into his team mate, who screamed in pain. Caught off guard by his blunder, the man failed to realize Tempest was behind him. Grabbing the man’s head, he slammed him into the dust, out cold. Twisting his body, he caught the sword of another brute, pushing it to the side, and delivering a nasty blow to another who was beside him. Tempest punched the man in the jaw, knocking a few teeth out in the process. Holding his jaw, the man backed up. Tempest ran up, and kicked him in the same spot, flooring him. Instantly, however, a hand grabbed his leg and threw Tempest into his door, knocking it down. Looking up, a female shinigami stood, unsheathing her sword. Grabbing his own from the floor, Tempest rose, and grinned.

“You know,” Tempest rose, smiling, “If you wanna play that badly, you’re gonna need a better toy than that.”
“Toy?” she looked down at her sword, “I see nothing toyish about it. It’s sharp. It can kill.”
“It can kill. But can it kill me?” Tempest pulled out his sword, and pointed it at her. The blade was unusual for an unreleased sword, having a notch on the tip, whereas others are usually straight edged. The sunlight shining through his door glistened against the blue, glass-like guard on his sword, resulting in a sparkle at its’ base. Tempest walked out of his home, bringing the sword to a defensive position in front of him.
“You’re a fool to mess with the eleventh division! We’re trained warriors!”
“You’re a fool to mess with me, for you are only thugs out looking for blood.”
“Maybe. I wonder how your blood will look against my sword?”
“Let’s find out, shall we?”

The girl ran at him, and swung her sword from her right. Tempest brought his right arm in front of himself, his sword pointing downward on his left, blocking the blow. Tempest immediately thrust his fingertips into her chest, knocking her breath clean out of her. Swinging his sword back up, he knocked her arm to the side and swung down hard. She managed to block it, and bounced him back. She was obviously stronger than him, but not as skilled. She ran at him again, and thrust her katana at him. Jumping, he used his made up squirrel maneuver, planting both feet on her sword, forcing her to support his weight. The sword dropped like a rock, as did his sword on her shoulder. But he was caught off guard by something. It clanged! She was wearing armor under her robe! The girl swept her sword out from under him, and swung it into his side, throwing him back, and carving a major gash in the process.

Looking at his bleeding side, he grimaced. This girl wasn’t half bad. He may have taken too big a bite to chew after all. No! He would not surrender! He remembered hurting her in her stomach, so she shouldn’t be wearing armor there. Running at her, he pulled his sword to his side. Realizing that Tempest was going for the win, she swung her sword out in front, to dodge the attack. Tempest grabbed the sword, however, blood flowing out of his palm. Pushing it upwards, he used his momentum and threw the tip of his sword in front of him, sinking into her thigh. Screaming, she pulled herself off of the blade and fell backwards to the ground. The remaining men panicked, grabbed their fallen allies, and fled. Holding his side, he began walking over to the fourth division infirmary. He’d have a lot of explaining to do… again. But hey, at least he got some training in, made new ‘friends’, and finally got to try out his squirrel technique. But then he realized!

“How am I gonna fix my door!?”

blankdoor
10-17-2008, 10:49 PM
Well I am sorry for declining you app, but there are still a few things that need clearing up:

Personality/Physical Appearance/Biography:

I shall refer you to Tenshi’s guide, http://www.bleachanime.org/forums/showthread.php?t=21844

Please try and add as much detail such as, what clothes he wears ect

Biography: in here I know you plan to add more by Rp’ing, but how did he train when did he realise his “power” ect

Personality: I really want to know what makes your character tick, go into depth of like and dislikes, how he thinks, are there anything’s unique with your character.

Zanpakutou:

Finally your Zanpakutou, I feel you could expand on this by adding information like you fighting style ect

If you change these few things I will gladly look at your app and consider accepting your final App, thank you.

Tempest Winds
10-18-2008, 12:28 AM
thank you, then. It's always good to get good advice. I'll brush up and try again.