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Kaiden Rezain
11-09-2008, 04:44 AM
Name: Kaiden Rezain
Gender: Male
Age at time of Death: 23
Current Age: 65

Appearance: Kaiden stands at 5'7" inches and weighes 150 lbs. He has light blue eyes, so light that they border on a grayish color. His hair is a light brown color and has been cut to a very short length, not quite a buzz cut but very close. Even though he isn't the biggest, Kaiden is very strong and has a very athletic build, not at all scrawny or puny as a first glance would seem to indicate. Kaiden is not a showy person and because of that all his clothes are extremely plain, simple black pants and a sky blue shirt when he is not in his basic Shinigami uniform.

Personality: Kaiden is a very pragmatic and rational person, always choosing his words very carefully, when he chooses to speak at all. While he likes to be alone, do not confuse this with him being anti-social, in fact Kaiden is an extremely kind person. In the same vein, Kaiden will help anyone, but he usually only does so when he has been asked to help. Beyond that, Kaiden is steadfast and resolute in his beliefs and one of the few things that he truly can't stand is those who take the easy way out and don't stand strong.

Biography: Kaiden was born and raised on southeastern coast of the United States. Upon his graduation from high school, his father got a new job in Tokyo and would be moving. His family thought that Kaiden would stay in America and go to college, but he figured that he had his entire life to be on his own. So, to stay near them, Kaiden moved to Tokyo and went to college there. Even while in America, Kaiden had been doing some minor studying of Mixed Martial Arts and he continued his training in Tokyo when he wasn't busy with school and work. Kaiden never trained with any weapons, only ever studying hand to hand combat. Other than that however, Kaiden lived, for the most part, an entirely uneventful life. Shortly before graduation, Kaiden died in an unfortunate car accident.

Upon arriving in Soul Society, Kaiden was sent to live in West Rukongai 45. It didn't take him long to understand that he wasn't in the best of locations, but at the same time there were worse places in Soul Society to live in. Kaiden essentially picked up in Soul Society where he left off in the real world, living a mostly uneventful life. Of course, fate seems to have a funny sense of humor and decided to step in.

Kaiden's silent nature and oft time’s blunt comments didn't endear him to anyone and on a few occassions got him into some fights. It was a mere coincedence that one day two shinigami, one from squad 7 and one from squad 10, happened to be passing by when a group attacked Kaiden. For a second the two thought that they would have to step in, but Kaiden turned the tables. His fighting style was crude, lacking the refinement of those with even the most basic Hakuda, but something about the way Kaiden fought got the two shinigami thinking that he might be able to pass the Shinigami exams at the Academy. He as visted by an academy official one day and, after a breif discussion, Kaiden was offered the opportunity to try to become a Shinigami. At first Kaiden passed on this, but the official gave Kaiden a few days to think it over. What changed over the course of those few days no one really knows, not even Kaiden is sure of why he decided to give it a shot, but a few days later Kaiden enrolled.

Zanpakuto Appearance: The blade of Kaiden's Zanpakuto is 18 inches long, while the handle of the blade is 6 inches long. The handle of the blade is wrapped in a red fabric, which has a black fabric overlay on top of it, with the threads of black fabric crisscrossing over the red fabric. The sheath has the same design as the handle. At the end of the handle is red tassel.

Kaiden is considered unusual for the fact that he is oddly proficient with his Zanpakuto, despite having had no previous training with any kind of weapon. Kaiden uses his Zanjutsu and often blends it together with kicking attacks to create a unique fighting style. Despite having trained in Mixed Martial Arts in the Real World, Kaiden can't recall any of that training, consciously or subconsciously. Though he is learning Hakudo at a faster pace than most, his skills are still slightly below average.

Kaiden has absolutely no skill with Kidou in any way. He has no ability to control a Kidou attack and has had difficulties with even the most basic and simplistic Kidou's in training, some of them backfiring quite frequently. Almost as in keeping with his pragmatic nature, Kaiden also tends to move fairly slowly and deliberately. Though agile, Kaiden always makes sure to have a solid footing first and, like his words, chooses his stance very carefully.

Kaiden Rezain
11-09-2008, 04:45 AM
Offtopic: I apologize in advance for the double post, but I had no choice as I couldn't include my Sample Mission in the first post, please forgive me.

Sample Mission:

A gentle wind blew through the grass as Kaiden sat relaxing on a hillside. It was peaceful out this way, fairly unusual for a day in West Rukongai 45. It was nice to just be able to enjoy some peace and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle of the town. There was always too much going on, too many people coming and going, Kaiden always liked to come out here to get away from all that every so often, it was good for him he believed. Plus with all that was on his mind lately, he just needed a day away to think and just be alone for a few moments.

A bolt of lightning crackling through the sky shook Kaiden out of his daydream. He was remembering the day that he had decided to join the Shinigami Academy. Seemed like so long ago now that he had made that decision, then again it had taken him much longer to get to this point than most of the other students at the academy. Now he was in the real world with some of his classmates, doing their final training mission together. There had been a minor lull in the action and Kaiden’s squad was taking the down time to rest up for the next wave that was sure to be coming soon. They had been doing pretty well so far, though of course in comparison the training hollows weren’t that tough. Kaiden wasn’t really sure what brought on that daydream, maybe a bit of nostalgia, maybe wondering if he had really made the right choice, but Kaiden realized that he couldn’t let himself drift off like that again. For some reason though, the storm clouds gathering overhead, while perhaps ominous to others, was oddly calming to Kaiden.

After a few minutes on break, the assigned leader of the group decided that they needed to get the move on again and finish up their test. From his sitting position, Kaiden stood up and picked up his blade off the ground and attached it to his side. Kaiden nodded his head to let his assigned squad leader know that the he was ready to get going. It took the others a few moments longer to get ready, but soon the small squad was ready to get moving and finish this test up. Several minutes passed as the squad rushed at breakneck speeds through the area, trying to find the remaining training hollows. It happened suddenly when they finally spotted one, a single hollow, but upon catching site of them it fled. The group chased after them but something didn't feel right about this to Kaiden. The next thing they all knew, the group was surrounded, the training hollows had set up a trap. The four of them found themselves surrounded and outnumbered two to one.

While the other three charged and attacked their hollows head on, Kaiden bent his knees slightly and took a deep breath as he brought both of his hands towards his blade’s sheath. The first hollow grew tired of waiting and charged Kaiden. As the hollow closed in, Kaiden’s eyes followed the movements of the hollow. Just before being bitten in two, Kaiden’s right leg swiftly moves upwards, hitting the bottom of the hard mask with the sole of his foot, forcing the hollow’s head into the air. Whipping his leg back down, Kaiden spins and slashes at the hollow, putting a deep cut into hollow’s mask. The creature reeled back in pain as the second hollow charged in its place. Spinning around once more, Kaiden’s left leg rises into the air, only to come down hard on top of the hollow’s mask, forcing this one towards the ground. With the hollow’s mask down, Kaiden plants his feet and with a swift strike, slices into the hollow, cutting deeply into this hollow's mask as well. Instead of retreating away, this one lunged forward again and snapped at him. Kaiden was barely able to raise his blade up to block and was lifted into the air by the Hollow's lurching attack. Trying to push away, Kaiden grinds the blade across the Hollow's teeth, sparking as he pulls away. Twisting in midair, Kaiden thrusts his blade forward, stabbing the Hollow in the center of its mask. As the empty creature fades away Kaiden shakes his head and then turns his back to the other hollow. Just as he turns his back, Kaiden see's his teammate in a bad position, her Hollow and bitten into her sword arm and she was having a difficult time defending herself.

Even though his own hollow was preparing to strike again, Kaiden knew what he had to do. As the hollow charged at Kaiden’s back, he waited until the last second before attempting to sidestep the hollow, the hollow’s fangs making a shallow cut into Kaiden's right forearm. Holding his blade in his left hand, Kaiden left his fight for a moment to block the Hollow attacking his team mate. Holding back the monster's attack, Kaiden looked over to her. "Are you ok? That cut looks pretty nasty, but you can still use Kidou right?", Kaiden said to her in a slow, almost monotonevoice. She seemed to be scared for a moment, but the calm way that Kaiden said that phrase seemed to snap her out of it.

She nodded and then began chanting, "Bolts that eat through flesh, seventeen acres, flesh and storm, build together as one. Hadou number four, Byakurai!" The kidou spells rockets past the side of Kaiden's head and tears through her hollow. She turns to face the other Hollow that Kaiden was fighting and prepared to do it again, but Kaiden raises his arm and shook his head.

"Don't worry; I'll handle that one myself", Kaiden said to her. Blood dripping from his right arm, Kaiden grips his blade and stares down the hollow. The hollow charged and Kaiden turned his body sideways from the Hollow. Gaging the distance, Kaiden delivered a swift back kick to the charging hollow, though this strike didn’t alter the hollow’s path, merely slowed it for a few seconds. However, this went as Kaiden had wanted, and he pushed off the hollow’s mask to leap into the air. As gravity took back over and began to pull Kaiden back towards the earth, Kaiden twisted his body and sliced into the hollow just behind the mask, slaying his second opponent. As he lands, he drops down to one knee and quickly slides his Zanpakutou back into its sheath. He looked over to his current teammates and saw that they were finishing up off their own hollows in their own unique way. As soon as the coast was clear, Kaiden was the first to speak up.

"So, is everyone ok, we all in one piece?" Kaiden said as he scans the group he was assigned to, checking to make sure they were ok. Throughout the entire test, Kaiden had barely said two words to them and now he was checking to make sure they were alright, true concern in his voice. After he was certain they were all ok, Kaiden goes to each of them and pats them on the shoulder. Scratching the top of his head for a second, Kaiden continued to speak as he said, "Good to know. For a second there I thought we might be in trouble, but clearly we were more than a match for them". Kaiden had remained quiet that whole time because he felt that it wasn’t necessary for him to speak, but when his words were needed he didn’t hesitate to speak up. With a gentle smile, Kaiden continued to check on his teammates and keep an eye on the surrounding area, but it appeared as though all the training hollows had been defeated. Now all that really remained was for Kaiden to see if he had managed to pass the academy’s exam.

blankdoor
11-14-2008, 10:39 PM
Hello they’re Kaiden Rezain, thank you for applying for BARPG, but I regret to inform you there are a few things wrong with your application.

Firstly I am impressed with the detail and thought you have put into your character, your sample mission proving a very good read, but it is your grammar that hinders your chance of approval.

The first problem is paragraphing, I have noticed and area in you biography and a large chunk of text that can be separated into two paragraphs. Also there is a rather large collaboration of text in your sample mission that can be easily broke down into multiple paragraphs, not only does doing this make you work appear neater, but it makes it easier to read.

Secondly when you write speech it looks like this:

Kaiden: Don't worry; I'll handle that one myself.

This appears like you are writing a script, rather than a third person story; your speech should take this form:

“Don’t worry; I’ll handle that one myself,” said Kaiden

Please change what I have suggested, I look forward to the changes so don’t let me down, once this has been done I will re-critique your application.

-Blankdoor

blankdoor
11-15-2008, 11:29 PM
Having seen the improvements made to your application that I had suggested I believe your application is in a fit state to be put forward as a final application, thank you for your time. –Blankdoor