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Op-Coloris
12-04-2008, 04:22 AM
Name:

Sathice Saitou

Gender:

Female

Age:

When she died she looked to be around the age of 29. While in Soul Society she wandered around for a couple years and eventually lost herself in thought, and came to years later she doesn’t know how long only that her hair had grown to below her knees.

Appearance:

She is a thin, short girl no taller than 1.5 meters. She had always kept her hair cut short so people couldn’t have anything to grab a hold or. Her hair was a deep shade of black, blacker than the night around her and seemed to absorb the light.

She wears a highly modified Shinigami uniform. The top has been removed then sown on again with a lot of the slack cut out of it to make it a tighter fit. She cut off the left sleeve and extended the cuffs of the right one. She wears a white glove on her right hand and has a slender metal pole wrapping itself around her left arm up to the shoulder where it enters her skin. The entire thing is made from very flexible metal and is able to move just as naturally as her arm. She has cut about half of the bottom off and made cover only the right leg and leave the left showing; she wears white tight fitting leggings underneath.

Personality:

She was a very pessimistic during her life and always distrusted everyone. The only person she had ever come close to loving was her brother. Then one day he disappeared on her, and left her alone in the underground with out anyone to go to. Soon she turned to thievery and hiding. She slept in alley ways and only came out when she had to eat.

She became very good at thieving, but one day she decided to take it to far and try to find out what had become of her brother by stealing from the leader of the town she lived in. That was the beginning of the end for her. She always wanted kind of wished that it would end, but never like the way that it did for her.

Division Applying To:

13th Division

Zanpakuto Appearance:

Her Zanpakuto is the size of a dagger, the blade about 17 CM in length and the handle is about 10 CM in length, making the entire weapon 27 CM long. The entire thing is black with a small white bar going down the middle of the blade and wrapping itself around the handle. At the base of the handle there is a chain attached to it. The chain is 80 CM in length.

She wears her Zanpakuto on the small of her back; the chain is kept in a neat circle on her waist. Her distrusting nature makes her very jumpy, and anytime anyone approaches her she will usually draw her weapon on them and try to keep her distance. When she is drawn into a fight with it she will hold the chain in her right hand and use her Zanpakuto in her left, though she is equally fluent at using the weapon with both hands, she prefers her left.
----------
Sample Mission:

The morning sun seemed to point directly into her eyes, she wanted to roll over and forget about everything that was happening. She just wanted it to end and for the world to forget that she existed. Some one nudged her foot. She quickly rolled over and reached for her Zanpakuto. The person that nudged her foot was faster though and grabbed a hold of her hand and wouldn’t let go.

“We wouldn’t want you to do anything that you might soon regret,” someone whispered into her ear. That was when she finally became aware of her surroundings and saw that she almost drew her Zanpakuto on her superior.

“I’m sorry sir, it’s just a part of my nature, and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.” She said as he let go of her wrist and helped her stand up. She brushed off what remained of her uniform after she had mutilated it. He coughed and turned away, but not before she had seen his cheeks turn red. She smirked and walked over and stood behind him.

“Group, it’s time to move out let’s go, no time for a break now. If we don’t hurry then we will be the last one to arrive and we wouldn’t want something like that happen now would we?” He asked as the rest of the group started to come out of the surrounding area. “I’m sure you all know how special this day is, it’s all you seem to talk about.” Everyone smiled and let out a small bit of laughter, easing the dark mood of the camp.

The Captain seems happy today. Sathice thought as the rest of the group started off, heading away from the sun. One can only wonder where this day will end with us. Soon the group arrived at their destination and looked around searching for any of the other groups. The Captain smiled and turned around to look everyone in the eye, his eyes seemed to longer on Sathice, but she felt as though she imagined the entire thing it was so short. Still she smiled.

“Well, it looks as if we’re the first group to arrive here, the honor shall be all ours then. I want everyone to group up in twos and to prepare, you know the drill,” The Captain said as he started to walk around the group. Sathice had never really grown close to anyone since coming to the academy and had soon grown to resent the group of people she had been assigned to stay with. Soon the groups were made, leaving Sathice standing alone off to the side of the area. She was always the odd man out. “Look’s as if I’ll be your partner again then.” The Captain said, walking up from behind her. She resisted the urge to reach for her Zanpakuto but she did jump a ways off.

“Everyone ready?” The Captain asked as he walked to the front of the group, Sathice following close behind. She could hear the things they were saying about her, but she chose to ignore them. “There he goes again. Always choosing her.” “Teachers pet.” They were always saying things about her behind her back. She didn’t care one day they would all be below her and would have to treat her with respect. “Good, it’s time to move out th-“ was all The Captain could say before the arrow went through his chest. Sathice barely managed to dodge another as it whisked past where she had been standing only moments ago. She had bent down to retie the twine that held her shoes on.
“Scatter!” she shouted as more and more arrows seemed to pour out of the trees around them. She had a bad feeling all day but she kept it to herself, thinking that she was just being paranoid. Even so, to this day it was the one thing that had kept her alive and she wasn’t about to stop with that. She crawled over to the Captain and felt for a pulse. There wasn’t one, but the body was strangely cold. She moved closer and saw that his face wasn’t the same shade as it was before.

Damnit, this entire thing was just another training exercise. She thought as she reached for an arrow that had landed near her, she felt the tip. Cold, hard steel. Seems they wanted this exercise to hurt. The arrows had stopped raining down from the sky, and people had started to emerge from the surrounding trees. She stood up and sprinted to the closest trees that she could find. She dove into some bushes that were next to the tree, and landed hard on a stick.

Crack.

The sound was horrible in her ears, but it didn’t matter. The pain that she felt was a searing pain that blocked out all else. Tears sprang to her eyes and she rolled over. She gasped and tried to blink away the tears. She curled up into the fetal position and the tears started to stream down her face. The entire thing sent her back to the days when she was a child, to the painful days after her brother had left her.

That was when she heard the scream of another one of the people in her group and it pulled her out of her flashback. She rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself onto her knees and gasped as another wave of pain shot through her. She bit her lip to keep the tears from coming and looked around. She saw that one of the people that came out of the trees had a pair of people from her group in their arms and was pulling them out into the open.

No. I won’t let that happen. She thought as she stood up, only to be brought back to her knees as another wave of pain took her. She fought back the tears again and tried again, this time she was able to stand, and held herself up against a tree. It’s an apple tree. She thought through the pain as she gasped again. She looked up and saw that its branches were full of bright red apples within arms reach. She reached up and grabbed one and pulled. The action sent another wave of pain through her and she couldn’t help but let the tears flow this time.

She pulled back and threw the apple as hard as she could. It missed the man by a mile, but it caused him to jump as it smacked into the tree a ways behind him. The apple shook the branches and caused apples to fall all around him. A couple of them hit him in the head and made him reach up to cover his head. The pair of students fell to the ground and were slow to react. Fortunately the man was slower. They both tackled him to the ground and quickly knocked him out. They both looked over and saw Sathice pressed up against a tree, a small line of blood coming from her mouth. That was the last thing she saw before she collapsed from the pain and let the sweet touch of unconsciousness take her.

blankdoor
12-04-2008, 11:53 PM
Hey there Op-Coloris, I thank you for applying for B.A.R.P.G., but before this application is in an acceptable state I would like you to correct these few things:

Age:

For the sake of sticking to the rules, I will take that Sathice Saitou is ten years older than her date of death.

Biography:

Well correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that your application is lacking a biography completely.

Personality:

This section should entail more information about the mental state of Sathice Saitou and how she reacts to situations.

Additional notes:

There are a few errors in the application they are as follows:

couldn’t have anything to grab a hold or.

This should be an of, there is also:

Crack.

There is an unnecessary use of the Bold option here, also this wouldn’t be in its own paragraph, this would work better as a short sentence, in this manner:

tree, and landed hard on a stick. Crack.

I would urge you to proof read you work to make sure all errors are accounted for, once these changes have been made I will be more than happy to re-critique your work.

Op-Coloris
12-05-2008, 02:25 AM
Heh, thanks for helping with the changes. I didn't catch that I forgot to put the biography section in, until a while after I had posted in.
------
Name:

Sathice Saitou

Gender:

Female

Age:

When she died she looked to be around the age of 29. While in Soul Society she wandered around for a couple years and eventually lost herself in thought, and came to years later she doesn’t know how long only that her hair had grown to below her knees (We’re going to say she was there for 17 years before she went to the academy, thus the hair growth).

Appearance:

She is a thin, short girl no taller than 1.5 meters. She had always kept her hair cut short so people couldn’t have anything to grab a hold of. Her hair was a deep shade of black, blacker than the night around her and seemed to absorb the light.

She wears a highly modified Shinigami uniform. The top has been removed then sown on again with a lot of the slack cut out of it to make it a tighter fit. She cut off the left sleeve and extended the cuffs of the right one. She wears a white glove on her right hand and has a slender metal pole wrapping itself around her left arm up to the shoulder where it enters her skin. The entire thing is made from very flexible metal and is able to move just as naturally as her arm. She has cut about half of the bottom off and made cover only the right leg and leave the left showing; she wears white tight fitting leggings underneath.

Personality:

She was a very pessimistic during her life and always distrusted everyone. During her childhood she tried to pass herself off as a boy, to be ignored by those around her. For the most part it worked. As she got older she soon started to see the advantages of being a woman in a world comprised of men, and she started to use this to her advantage. She became very good at making people do what she wanted.

Even with the changes she had made, they still didn’t relieve her of her jumpy nature. She would always reach for a hidden weapon when ever anyone got to close to her. She would always sit facing as many exits/entrances that she could, wanting to keep tabs on everyone that entered or left the same room she was in.

She treated everyone as an enemy, even those that she had grown to know better than most. Because of her brother she had never trusted anyone ever again.

Biography:
Living World:
The only person she had ever come close to loving was her brother. Then one day he disappeared on her, and left her alone in the underground with out anyone to go to. Soon she turned to thievery and hiding. She slept in alley ways and only came out when she had to eat.

She became very good at thieving, but one day she decided to take it to far and try to find out what had become of her brother by stealing from the leader of the town she lived in. That was the beginning of the end for her. She always kind of wished that it would end, but never like the way that it did for her. Because of her distrusting ways, the others that were around her grew up hating her and her ways. She was always off on her own doing her own thing and leaving them out of it, but she expected them to take care of her, though she never once returned the favor.

Eventually she became very adept at manipulating people to do what she wanted for her. While growing she went through a great many changes, both in personality and body, thought she always kept to her distrusting and jumpy ways.

Rukongai:
When she first came to Rukongai, she treated the entire thing like a dream. Knowing that she would just wake up and be back to sleeping in alley ways. Soon she started to realize that she really was dead, and it had a huge impact on her. She always wanted to die, but now that it had happened she didn’t know what to make of it. Soon after she began wandering around, never staying in one place for longer than one week. Eventually even this couldn’t help her, so she just left and started off into the forest. Soon she lost herself in thought and path, and wouldn’t come out of it for some time. When she finally did, she was standing outside the doors to the academy and she merely shrugged and went inside.

Division Applying To:

13th Division

Zanpakuto Appearance:

Her Zanpakuto is the size of a dagger, the blade about 17 CM in length and the handle is about 10 CM in length, making the entire weapon 27 CM long. The entire thing is black with a small white bar going down the middle of the blade and wrapping itself around the handle. At the base of the handle there is a chain attached to it. The chain is 80 CM in length.

She wears her Zanpakuto on the small of her back; the chain is kept in a neat circle on her waist. Her distrusting nature makes her very jumpy, and anytime anyone approaches her she will usually draw her weapon on them and try to keep her distance. When she is drawn into a fight with it she will hold the chain in her right hand and use her Zanpakuto in her left, though she is equally fluent at using the weapon with both hands, she prefers her left.

Op-Coloris
12-05-2008, 02:26 AM
Sample Mission:
1207 Words Total.

The morning sun seemed to point directly into her eyes, she wanted to roll over and forget about everything that was happening. She just wanted it to end and for the world to forget that she existed. Some one nudged her foot. She quickly rolled over and reached for her Zanpakuto. The person that nudged her foot was faster though and grabbed a hold of her hand and wouldn’t let go.

“We wouldn’t want you to do anything that you might soon regret,” someone whispered into her ear. That was when she finally became aware of her surroundings and saw that she almost drew her Zanpakuto on her superior.

“I’m sorry sir, it’s just a part of my nature, and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.” She said as he let go of her wrist and helped her stand up. She brushed off what remained of her uniform after she had mutilated it. He coughed and turned away, but not before she had seen his cheeks turn red. She smirked and walked over and stood behind him.

“Group, it’s time to move out let’s go, no time for a break now. If we don’t hurry then we will be the last one to arrive and we wouldn’t want something like that happen now would we?” He asked as the rest of the group started to come out of the surrounding area. “I’m sure you all know how special this day is, it’s all you seem to talk about.” Everyone smiled and let out a small bit of laughter, easing the dark mood of the camp.

The Captain seems happy today. Sathice thought as the rest of the group started off, heading away from the sun. One can only wonder where this day will end with us. Soon the group arrived at their destination and looked around searching for any of the other groups. The Captain smiled and turned around to look everyone in the eye, his eyes seemed to longer on Sathice, but she felt as though she imagined the entire thing it was so short. Still she smiled.

“Well, it looks as if we’re the first group to arrive here, the honor shall be all ours then. I want everyone to group up in twos and to prepare, you know the drill,” The Captain said as he started to walk around the group. Sathice had never really grown close to anyone since coming to the academy and had soon grown to resent the group of people she had been assigned to stay with. Soon the groups were made, leaving Sathice standing alone off to the side of the area. She was always the odd man out. “Look’s as if I’ll be your partner again then.” The Captain said, walking up from behind her. She resisted the urge to reach for her Zanpakuto but she did jump a ways off.

“Everyone ready?” The Captain asked as he walked to the front of the group, Sathice following close behind. She could hear the things they were saying about her, but she chose to ignore them. “There he goes again. Always choosing her.” “Teachers pet.” They were always saying things about her behind her back. She didn’t care one day they would all be below her and would have to treat her with respect. “Good, it’s time to move out th-“ was all The Captain could say before the arrow went through his chest. Sathice barely managed to dodge another as it whisked past where she had been standing only moments ago. She had bent down to retie the twine that held her shoes on.
“Scatter!” she shouted as more and more arrows seemed to pour out of the trees around them. She had a bad feeling all day but she kept it to herself, thinking that she was just being paranoid. Even so, to this day it was the one thing that had kept her alive and she wasn’t about to stop with that. She crawled over to the Captain and felt for a pulse. There wasn’t one, but the body was strangely cold. She moved closer and saw that his face wasn’t the same shade as it was before.

Damnit, this entire thing was just another training exercise. She thought as she reached for an arrow that had landed near her and she felt the tip, cold hard steel. Seems they wanted this exercise to hurt. The arrows had stopped raining down from the sky, and people had started to emerge from the surrounding trees. She stood up and sprinted to the closest trees that she could find. She dove into some bushes that were next to the tree, and landed hard on a stick. Crack.

The sound was horrible in her ears, but it didn’t matter. The pain that she felt was a searing pain that blocked out all else. Tears sprang to her eyes and she rolled over. She gasped and tried to blink away the tears. She curled up into the fetal position and the tears started to stream down her face. The entire thing sent her back to the days when she was a child, to the painful days after her brother had left her.

That was when she heard the scream of another one of the people in her group and it pulled her out of her flashback. She rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself onto her knees and gasped as another wave of pain shot through her. She bit her lip to keep the tears from coming and looked around. She saw that one of the people that came out of the trees had a pair of people from her group in their arms and was pulling them out into the open.

No. I won’t let that happen. She thought as she stood up, only to be brought back to her knees as another wave of pain took her. She fought back the tears again and tried again, this time she was able to stand, and held herself up against a tree. It’s an apple tree. She thought through the pain as she gasped again. She looked up and saw that its branches were full of bright red apples within arms reach. She reached up and grabbed one and pulled. The action sent another wave of pain through her and she couldn’t help but let the tears flow this time.

She pulled back and threw the apple as hard as she could. It missed the man by a mile, but it caused him to jump as it smacked into the tree a ways behind him. The apple shook the branches and caused apples to fall all around him. A couple of them hit him in the head and made him reach up to cover his head. The pair of students fell to the ground and were slow to react. Fortunately the man was slower. They both tackled him to the ground and quickly knocked him out. They both looked over and saw Sathice pressed up against a tree, a small line of blood coming from her mouth. That was the last thing she saw before she collapsed from the pain and let the sweet touch of unconsciousness take her.

MagicalBells
12-05-2008, 09:20 AM
A very good application, but it still could use a few minor touch-ups before finalization.

For instance:

She has cut about half of the bottom off and made cover only the right leg and leave the left showing;

There should be a "to" after made so it reads like this:

She has cut about half of the bottom off and made to cover only the right leg and leave the left showing

Also, down in the Personality section:


She was a very pessimistic during her life and always distrusted everyone.

I am not certain if you meant to say "a very pessimistic person" or "she was very pessimistic" either way, it ended up in the middle, so whichever you meant to say is what it should be changed to.

On the side, words like whenever and without are written as such. I noticed you've spaced them out to be "when ever" and "with out" at least, so that correction should be made as well. :)

I know that it seems like we are being very picky with you, but that is actually a good thing. It means there is nothing majorly wrong with your application that we can find, so we have to be picky. Keep up the good work! I'll leave your sample mission and biography to blank, as he is a specialist with those kinds of things. You're getting near a final application though, so hold tight and wait for his approval.

Op-Coloris
12-05-2008, 08:25 PM
Couple of changes that you told me to make, no changes to the sample mission so I'm not reposting it.
----------
Name:

Sathice Saitou

Gender:

Female

Age:

When she died she looked to be around the age of 29. While in Soul Society she wandered around for a couple years and eventually lost herself in thought, and came to years later, she doesn’t know how long only that her hair had grown to below her knees (We’re going to say she was there for 17 years before she went to the academy, thus the hair growth).

Appearance:

She is a thin, short girl no taller than 1.5 meters. She had always kept her hair cut short so people couldn’t have anything to grab a hold of. Her hair was a deep shade of black, blacker than the night around her and seemed to absorb the light.

She wears a highly modified Shinigami uniform. The top has been removed then sown on again with a lot of the slack cut out of it to make it a tighter fit. She cut off the left sleeve and extended the cuffs of the right one. She wears a white glove on her right hand and has a slender metal pole wrapping itself around her left arm up to the shoulder where it enters her skin. The entire thing is made from very flexible metal and is able to move just as naturally as her arm. She has cut about half of the bottom off and modified it to cover only the right leg and leave the left showing; she wears white tight fitting leggings underneath.

Personality:

She was very pessimistic during her life and always distrusted everyone. During her childhood she tried to pass herself off as a boy, to be ignored by those around her. For the most part it worked. As she got older she soon started to see the advantages of being a woman in a world comprised of men, and she started to use this to her advantage. She became very good at making people do what she wanted.

Even with the changes she had made, they still didn’t relieve her of her jumpy nature. She would always reach for a hidden weapon whenever anyone got to close to her. She would always sit facing as many exits/entrances that she could, wanting to keep tabs on everyone that entered or left the same room she was in.

She treated everyone as an enemy, even those that she had grown to know better than most. Because of her brother she had never trusted anyone ever again.

Biography:
Living World:
The only person she had ever come close to loving was her brother. Then one day he disappeared on her, and left her alone in the underground without anyone to go to. Soon she turned to thievery and hiding. She slept in alley ways and only came out when she had to eat.

She became very good at thieving, but one day she decided to take it to far and try to find out what had become of her brother by stealing from the leader of the town she lived in. That was the beginning of the end for her. She always kind of wished that it would end, but never like the way that it did for her. Because of her distrusting ways, the others that were around her grew up hating her and her ways. She was always off on her own doing her own thing and leaving them out of it, but she expected them to take care of her, though she never once returned the favor.

Eventually she became very adept at manipulating people to do what she wanted for her. While growing she went through a great many changes, both in personality and body, thought she always kept to her distrusting and jumpy ways.

Rukongai:
When she first came to Rukongai, she treated the entire thing like a dream. Knowing that she would just wake up and be back to sleeping in alley ways. Soon she started to realize that she really was dead, and it had a huge impact on her. She always wanted to die, but now that it had happened she didn’t know what to make of it. Soon after she began wandering around, never staying in one place for longer than one week. Eventually even this couldn’t help her, so she just left and started off into the forest. Soon she lost herself in thought and path, and wouldn’t come out of it for some time. When she finally did, she was standing outside the doors to the academy and she merely shrugged and went inside.

Division Applying To:

13th Division

Zanpakuto Appearance:

Her Zanpakuto is the size of a small dagger, the blade about 17 CM in length and the handle is about 10 CM in length, making the entire weapon 27 CM long. The entire thing is black with a small white bar going down the middle of the blade and wrapping itself around the handle. At the base of the handle there is a chain attached to it. The chain is 80 CM in length.

She wears her Zanpakuto on the small of her back; the chain is kept in a neat circle on her waist. Her distrusting nature makes her very jumpy, and anytime anyone approaches her she will usually draw her weapon on them and try to keep her distance. When she is drawn into a fight with it she will hold the chain in her right hand and use her Zanpakuto in her left, though she is equally fluent at using the weapon with both hands, she prefers her left.

blankdoor
12-05-2008, 11:21 PM
Well I am please with your application; you have my consent to post a final application.

-Blank