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[Application] Maeda Hatsuharu <5th Division> - BleachAnime.org Forums

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OceanBreeze
11-11-2009, 12:32 AM
Name:
Maeda Hatsuharu

Gender:
Male

Age:
Dog Age: 3
Human years: Roughly 25
Soul Society Age: 38

Appearance:
Maeda has the appearance of an anthropomorphic canine. He stands six foot five inches with a very broad stance weighing in at two-hundred forty pounds. His face most resembles that of a Siberian Husky. His ears are seven inches in length. The fur on his ears is completely black from front to back, the most noticeable difference from ear to ear is that his right ear is missing one inch off the tip. A scar that had been carried over with him. The black fur extends from both ears meeting on the front of his forehead. Covering the top half of his head and fanning out to cover the back of his neck. The black fur then extends down from the forehead making a patch around his left eye. The only other feature black in color on his face is his nose. The area in which his small whiskers extend is connected by gray fur. The rest of his face is white fur with no noticeable patterns. Mostly seen squinting, his eyes appear black in color.

Maeda's broad shoulder stance would reveal that underneath his clothing and fur, would be a very large muscular human frame. The white fur from his face extends down the front of his neck, covering his entire chest, ending in a "V" midway down his abdomen. The white fur is always visible. He chooses to leave the front of his kosode never properly tucked and open. This is because he is proud of the white fur he possesses, believing that it has some divine meaning. The black fur then takes control, completely covering the rest of his body. His belt is tied tightly around his waist, showing the size difference from his chest and lats to his waist. His pants have been torn off at the knees, displaying the large well developed calf muscles. The fur on his legs is much thinner revealing the muscular definition the rest of his body would carry. Maeda chooses not to wear footwear. He believes the natural state of feet should never have a foreign material blocking it from the ground.

For his large body, he does not think any less of people smaller or bigger than he. He often carries an expressionless appearance which can be taken negatively or positively. He normally sits, stands, thinks, and walks with his hands clasped draping the sleeves of his kosode over them. When he runs he tucks his hands away at his back underneath his belt.

Maeda also speaks in a very gentle tone, never overbearing. He rarely displays emotion through his voice, keeping it always mellowed and low key.

Personality:
Though maybe a harsh sight to those who have a human face, Maeda has a very optimistic personality. Very kind to whoever he meets, whether they accept him or not. He is outspoken and outgoing, never missing a beat for invitations or gathering.

Very rationalistic thought process of situations, weighing out each action. He always encourages those around him to press their skills and power to its fullest, reassuring that victory will be theirs in the outcome. He only changes his optimism when the situation at hand he knows will result in a loss. Staying keen to his thoughts, he is already devising an escape route. He is a tactically based fighter. Move quickly, strike faster, and get out at even greater speed. He prefers to fight amongst wooded areas or buildings. In open areas he can become uneasy, often effecting his fighting ability.

His attitude can be sometimes poor. Given a task he will often groan, no matter how simple or tough the task at hand will be. As if he has more important things he would rather be doing. Sometimes it can be perceived as a lazy demeanor or problems with authority, but Maeda will always complete the task in a timely and efficient manner. An action he subconsciously developed and a hard habit to break. Only known to get mad or upset with himself when he performs poorly.

He has a wide taste for music, often likes to hang around places were live music is being played. He chooses a good tune over alcohol. Music has a somewhat stimulating effect to him.

Biography:
Maeda has no recollection of his past life. The only thing he interprets currently of his past life, he was either a canine or human with a close canine companion.

Maeda grew up in the 53rd district of West Rukongai. An area dominated by close knit buildings of old quality, scarred by age. Bricks randomly missing from spots, roads with large potholes, houses with wood boarders coming apart and peeling from their foundations. He kept to himself through his time wandering around. Cloaking himself in large loose fitted robes with a hood to completely hide away his face. Often would sleep next to walls in alleys. Younger children would would laugh at him, teasing him by pulling back his hood while he was sleeping. A snarling bark would run them off screaming. He often dreamed what it would be like if he had a normal human appearance, would things have been different for his soul? When he became hungry, he would grab food from places in the cover of night. Feeling terrible he had to live his existence like this. He would only take small amounts and leave behind notes with the words, 'I'm terribly sorry for what I have done and will repay you'. He just wished he could bring all these people to a better place.

One night while beginning slumber, a young women approached him. She appeared very gentle, soft spoken, short, and thin. Flowing black hair that stopped shoulder length. Her name was Shinohara and appeared lonely. Naively speaking to him, she asked why he was sleeping out in the cold. Maeda silent and gave no acknowledgment of her presence . She pressed the effort to get him to speak, reaching up and pulling back the hood. Maeda motionlessly stared at her as he could see the fright in her eyes. She stood motionless for a few seconds, but revealing a smile to him after the fright had passed. She finally opened up, offering him food and shelter, which Maeda was very reluctant to accept. It was only after that she place her hand atop his head and ensured him that she was not going to harm him. The comfortable feeling of her hand was almost warming to him, bringing about a very happy sensation.

They walked around the corner to her house, which was nothing spectacular to look at, but was a home. Maeda had to duck his head down in every room he was in. Shinohara was very open about her past life, how she had a brother that cared deeply for her, a loving family with a warm home. She revealed to Maeda that in her past life she owned a dog and his features reminded her of the family. He came to accept her good nature and over a period of time removed the hood from his attire. They often walked the streets together for everyone to see, reminiscing of Shinohara's past life. Over time, Maeda would greet strangers with 'Hellos' and 'Good day'. Though most people gave disgusted looks towards them, most people were to afraid at the sight of Maeda to act on their emotions. He was finally happy and felt he could forever live how he felt.

One night when out walking they were attacked by an unknown opponent, Maeda was knocked unconscious from a blow to the back of the head. When he finally came to, Shinohara was nowhere to be found. He searched for her in the immediate area, nowhere to be found. He ran as fast as he could to her home, where it was silent. He felt the warmth of her inside him fading, but her spirit not lost. He forever made a promise to find her, bring her back and live a more comfortable life with her, somewhere secluded. He just knew now that he needed to increase his power and start searching.

Shinohara taught Maeda to love an accept people, not everybody is evil. He often reflects her personality, believing she was so pure, a life he wishes to live.

Division applying to:
5th Division

Zanpakuto appearance:
Maeda's Zanpakuto is that of a rather normal curved katana. One-hundred twenty centimeters in length, his blade is unguarded with no hilt. The grip is an uncovered twenty-five centimeter section of the bare blunted steel. He keeps a small piece of cloth tied where the sharpened blade begins, a piece of Shinohara's wardrobe he use to carry with him. He does this in a spiritual manner to keep Shinohara always in his thoughts. When not wielded in battle, the blade is not covered by a sheathe and held tight by a loop in his belt.

OceanBreeze
11-11-2009, 12:39 AM
Sample mission: (Italic quotes are Maeda's personal thoughts)
Maeda's search for Shinohara led him deeper into the more compact districts. People lined the streets now, hustling and bustling about their time. Most people were to busy to notice Maeda. A tip from a few leads in the 51st district seemed promising, mentioning there were a band of rogues located in the back alleys of the 37th district. He was now very far from where he once wandered, everything completely strange to him, in nowhere could he find a hospitable welcome. Again, Maeda was forced to sleep in back alleys. Knowing that they could be much more unsafe than the alleys he came from. He lost track of the time he spent searching for this group, to the point of giving up.

One night sitting down leaning up against a wall, Maeda was ready to go to sleep.

“Ahhhhhhhhh! Help me! Please somebody help me!” A screeching cry came from a nearby alley. Maeda didn't hesitate, jumping to his feet, he began running toward the cries for help. The voice of a woman was very distinct. He came to the sight of two men chasing a women out of an alley and into the street.

“Please stop it! I don't have anything to give you! Please..... stop. Stop!” You could sense the fright in her cries for help. The sound of tears ringing into her voice, hysterically crying and moaning. Maeda could only see the back of the pursuers heads. He did notice bandanas tied around their faces, obviously to hide their identities.

“You go that way.” The pursuers on the left said over to the second pursuer. Then the second pursuer quickly jumped onto a low laying balcony, then onto a lower rooftop, ultimately disappearing from sight.

'What do I do now, If I follow the second one I could ultimately lose the women and the pursuer I could be chasing. I can stay with the women and possibly be attacked by the second. How much longer can this women run will determine this outcome.' The quick thought ran through his head. He needed to make a decision at the fast approaching balcony.

Looking at the same balcony, Maeda leaped up on the balcony the second pursuer used and onto the rooftops. Lucky for him the rooftops were not very different in height variation. He was able to see the second pursuer, not very far up ahead. The pursuer almost seemed to have trouble moving through the rooftops, Maeda gained with every step. 'Hopefully he will not be aware of my presence running behind him.'

“Anybody!.........Please! Please help me!” She cried now with more panic and fright. Possibly leaving the sense that her pursuer could be gaining ground now.

Though he was keeping stride for stride with the second pursuer he could determine he was losing ground on the women and first pursuer. Then suddenly the second pursuer took a sharp right deviation from his rather straight line. Maeda then noticed a large gap in rooftops ahead, following the pursuers steps. Maeda continued to follow and now only three steps behind his pursuer.

“Here!” The second pursuer shouted.

'What? Do they know I'm following?' As the thought passed, he could now hear the woman's' cries for help turning down the large street he and the pursuer where parallel to. 'Great, this now changes everything.' Revealing a smirk at the new situation. Now only one single stride behind the pursuer, the man was still unaware of Maeda's presence. The pursuer slowed his stride down more and more. Maeda was now practically on top of the man. He glanced down at the women and noticed they were also at the same pace. 'Pretty good tactic they are using, but I got to act now!'

Quickly grabbing the pursuer on the shoulder, he could sense the man's surprise as his body tightened up. Taking an extra step on his right leg, he stuck his left leg across the man's path, planting his foot, and giving him a quick shove on his shoulder. The pursuer began to lose his balance. His right leg in stride met shin-to-shin with Maeda, sending him into a tumble. On his left foot Maeda pushed away leaping from the rooftops. 'Oh I hope I timed this right.' Thinking as his body now cleared the edge of the roof.

He kept his attention fixated on the pursuer. The pursuer glanced up just at the last moment, completely off guard and surprised. Unable to react, he could only start to brace for imminent impact, reacting to slow. Maeda came down with full force meeting his shoulder at the mans head. They both fell straight down, the pursuers head landing under Maeda's shoulder. The women stopped at the ruckus behind her. Still in a fright she slowly turned around, hands clasped at her chest. She tip-toed up to the two bodies laying in the street, still whimpering and sniffling.

Maeda opened his eyes to see the man underneath his body, unconscious and alive. He pushed himself up and gave a comforting smile to the unknown women.

“Over here! Over here!” Yelling from the rooftops overhead.

Sighing to himself, Maeda knew what was coming next. At that moment he saw five bodies, running in full sprint, turn the corner ahead. All wearing masks with swords drawn, the man from the rooftops jumped down to join them.

'This is not good.' Maeda thought as he looked at the women who was still frozen staring at him. “What are you doing? Run behind me.” Grabbing the woman by the shoulder, pulling her in the direction. He reached down, grabbed the sword from the unconscious pursuer. 'And I have no way of using this thing.' The group was now only twenty feet away. As he stood up and took a stance, four men jumped down from the rooftops between Maeda and the six. All in black uniforms of some type. The six stopped completely in mid step. These four did not acknowledge Maeda at all and were possibly unaware of him. 'Surely these guys know I'm here. Don't present yourself as a foe.' Maeda quickly threw down the sword he was once holding. He was only a spectator now.

The battle between everyone was short lived. Making the first move the four men quickly closed down the six. The two on the ends spread from the two in the middle, in an orchestrated perfect harmony. Maeda watched them as they met with the group. The six men he noticed almost had a look of panic in their eyes now.

Several flashes from blades reflected the moonlight, the clangs of steel-to-steel rang out into the streets. The clanging was so fierce the battle sounded as if they were fighting only three inches from Maeda. Then the sound of steel reverberating as blades hit the stone below, finally coming to their rest. He could see the six men were loosing. One body dropped, then two bodies, the rest following shortly after. The four looked down on their opponents as they sheathed away their steel.

“You there. Don't move.” A voice said from an alley to the right of Maeda.'There was a fifth?' Maeda gave a panicking thought as his attention quickly drew in the direction. “What a coincidence that I caught a glimpse of you chasing that man across the rooftops. Looks like he made the right move for both of us.” The voice was now moving out of the dark cover of the alley, revealing himself to Maeda. He was a rather thin man, dark long hair, shading his face enough that no facial features were noticeable. Wearing the same uniforms the other four were wearing.

“Who are you?”

“That is unimportant to you. Or maybe you will learn that later. I saw what you did, it was almost impressing.” The four men joined up in formation behind. “You put a lot of trust into that woman to make a maneuver like that, but in the end it worked out, didn't it?”

“I guess in some situations you have to also believe in others abilities.”

“That may be so. Very commending on your part. We were tracking these men for quite a while now. We think they could be part of a bigger organization.” The man said walking over to the unconscious pursuer. “Still alive, too. Well done.”You could here the snicker in his voice. He lifted his hands giving four half-hearted claps. “Now I'm taking him.”

“I have a question in regards to......”

Interrupting, “Your quarrel with this man is now over. He is my property.” Snapping his fingers, pointing down to the unconscious man. 'Rude.......'

“But it involves......”

“Like I said before. You are now finished here, as far as I'm concerned. Go about whatever it is you do around here.” The man said turning his back to Maeda, looking down the street at the other six bodies. One of the men in uniform grabbed up the unconscious pursuer. The four quickly jumped up to the rooftops disappearing out of sight.

“That man could have helped me.”

Quickly turning on his heel to face Maeda, “In what way? ..........You are an interesting sight from close-up.” 'This guy is unreal.'

“Thanks, but he could have given me information about a missing person.”

“That is no immediate concern of mine.” The man still appeared to be calm. He turned to the buildings in which the four left on. “I do suggest you clear the street at night though, it's never a good place to be alone. Now that your act of heroism is over, I suggest you go about your business.” The man quickly jumped up to the rooftop, stopping, turning his head to look over his shoulder. “Though if you have aspirations to continue helping people and better yourself, I suggest you head east from here.” Jumping out of sight of Maeda.

'Well that was interesting, didn't see that one coming. Back to nothing though.' Maeda began to scratch at the back of his neck.

Kaiden Rezain
11-11-2009, 01:04 AM
I am not a mod or an admin for the BARPG, but I thought that I could help you out just a little bit. Too be honest, I don't really see much to comment on, except for a very few small parts of your sample mission. There are a few repeated words that popped up, like in this sentence:

Maeda's search for Shinohara led him deeper into the the more compact districts.


where I bolded the repeated word, however that is the only time that I spotted that. One other thing I noticed was a few times where you used the wrong word, such as :

The pursuer began to loose his balance and his right leg in stride clipped Maeda's, sending him into a tumble.

where loose should have been lose. That particular word seemed to give you some trouble, as it popped up a few times that I noticed, as well as a few times you wrote "mans" where I believe that you intended to use "man's". To me, there also seems to be some discrepancy between when you use italics and when you use quotation marks and mention that he thought it, it could get confusing if you switch between from time to time, though that is more of a minor gripe than anything. I don't know if you typed it up in something like Microsoft Word or used Open Office or if you just typed it into the text box, but if you were to use Word or Open Office, you could most likely catch those few minor issues, especially through a quick proofread. Overall though, I have to say that I am personally impressed, it is a very good profile and sample mission in my opinion, just maybe needs a few pretty minor things done to it to clean it up and it would be flat out perfect.

Ultranator
11-11-2009, 01:06 AM
Nice app.... I found a few tiny typos here and there, but it's really good... :D

Cyclonus_Zaero
11-11-2009, 01:20 AM
You have one heck of an application here Ocean. Like Kaiden said... Almost perfect with a few small things. You can choose to fix them and then submit a Final Application if you wish.